Learning To Breathe
by hunterwm
Summary: The sequel to "Rescue me" jessie/katie DISCLAIMER: i do not own the tv show "Once and Again" or it's characters...sadly nor to claim to own any songs i may use. And if you don't realize any of this than you should just leave now
1. What Sarah Said

HOLA!!!!! did everyone miss me? i hope so because i sure missed writing. guess who's officially a senior? Not me...but i will be very soon (assuming i passed all of my tests). Things have been going fairly well. I turned 17 so i can drive. Technically I've been driving anyway but now it's legal! And i've been dating this girl for about 3 months now and i'm still veryyyy happy. And in a few weeks i will be going to Hawaii/ Australia to run cross country. I know you're jealous. I promise to bring back some kangaroos for you guys.

But you're not here to read about how wonderful my life is. You're here to read my new story. This is the sequel to "Rescue me." I WILL REFERENCE IT so it might be best if you read it over. As you now know, i took the title from the song by Hawthorne Heights. So for this story i stuck with the pattern and took the song from Switchfoot. It takes place between the last chapter and the epilogue in case you missed my authors note. Now if i didn't write the epilogue, i could've really messed with you. But alas, you all know Katie survives. However, if you want to live in suspense just pretend you didn't read the epilogue...or what i just wrote here.  
Now you're probably going, "GASP! Katie was shot! She died! OH NO OH NO! Author you are very mean. Bring her back NOW!"  
"I know. I am sorry my readers. I had to kill Katie. Now enjoy this story entitled 'Learning to Breathe.'" TA DA!!!!

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**_FLASHBACK:_**

Tom's hand finally squeezed the trigger. The bullet spiraled in the air, cutting through the fabric of Katie's shirt. Blood splattered onto the ground. The force of the bullet caused Katie to be pushed backwards. It was in slow motion. Katie's body went limp and started to fall.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: It hurts more than i thought it would. At first, i didn't realize all that blood was mine. It didn't seem real. i kinda felt like i was watching everything happen from a distance. Like in a movie or something. I didn't really register what was happening. I mean, i thought today was gonna be simple. Wake up, go to school, hand in my final project, have lunch with Jessie, then go home. yet here i am, a bullet in my chest, wondering what made today THE day. I dont know, i feel like there should've been a sign or something. Like when you wake up and hit your head, you know the rest of the day is gonna suck. I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? _

Jessie wrestled out of the hands that were holding her and stood up.

"KATIE!" She started to run to her, hoping to catch her fall, but didn't make it. She fell to her knees, picking up Katie's head and placing it into her lap.

"Oh God...please no. Someone go get help!" She faintly heard the sound of scuffling feet. She put her hand on Katie's chest and applied pressure. The tears fell faster as her hand became drenched in the red liquid.

With her other hand she caressed the cheek of her angel and looked at the open, glazed eyes staring back at her.

_B+W testimonial: Jessie:( looking at camera with tears running down her face) I thought hero's weren't suppose to die._

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"Shots fired. I repeat, shots fired. Send the team in!" Hearing those words come through the police officer's walkie talkie caused Rick's mouth to go dry. The crowd in front of the school could only watch in horror as multiple members of the swat team ran into the building. After a few more minutes, Rick ran over to where the family stood.

"Well? Did they catch him? Is Jessie ok?" Karen looked at him through teary eyes. He took a deep breath before her spoke.

"From what i just heard the cop say, two people were shot. One was the shooter."

"What about the other?" She asked. He ran his hand through his hair.

"All they said was that it was a young girl." Karen turned to her son and broke down in Eli's arms. Grace stared at the ground shaking her head.

"That bastard!"

"Grace!" Lily scowled at her language, trying her best to hold back her tears as well. Sarah, who was standing close to the family, looked down at the phone in her hand. After reading the text message she carefully shut it and put it in her pocket, fighting back a sob.

"Jessie's in there. She could be dying. He can't get away with this and-"

"Grace?" Sarah said quietly.

"What?" Grace turned to her in a mix of anger and tears. Sarah stared blankly at the school.

"It's not Jessie." Grace's face fell.

"Oh God." She turned toward the school, standing like a statue, just like Sarah.

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"Katie? Please baby wake up. Come on Billie!" Jessie was pleading with the unconscious girl while gently rocking her back and forth in her lap. She heard another shot go off but refused to take her eyes off of her dying lover.

"In here! In here!" A young boy stood at the door, waving the uniformed officers inside where they began guiding kids out the room. The EMT's walked in, one running to Tad on the floor to assist him. Two officers grabbed onto Jessie's arms, trying to pull the small girl away.

"No! NO! I'm not leaving her! NO!" She screamed and gripped onto Katie for dear life as the officers tried to get her to leave.

"Someone get her out of here!" A large man came over and locked his arms around her waist, lifting her effortlessly off of the ground and proceeded to walk backwards toward the entrance.

"NO! Let me go! Tad help!" With all of her strength she pushed out and broke his hold on her. She started to head over to Katie again only to feel Tad grab her leg from his spot on the floor. She looked down at him.

"I'll go with her in the ambulance. I promise, i'll stay with her." She turned her gaze back to the girl on the ground. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The man once again came over to Jessie and grabbed her. Giving up the struggle, Jessie let the man guide her out of the room, never taking her eyes off of Katie, lying on the ground.

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"Rick. Rick. Is that her? Oh God, she's covered in blood. Jessie!" Karen was frantic. She ran over to the medic station that Jessie had just been brought to, the rest of the family running after her.

Jessie sat on the back of the ambulance completely still as an EMT looked her over. Her make-up had smeared down her cheeks and her clothes were soaked in blood. She didn't react to her mother's calls.

"Jessie? Oh my God." Karen landed on her knees in front of her and wrapped her arms around her daughter but received no hug back. "All this blood..." She trailed off. The young girl continued to stare into space.

"It's not mine," she stated without any emotion. Karen pulled back to look at her daughter, realization dawning on her.

"Oh God." The rest of the family ran over to the two women. Karen turned and looked up at Rick. "It's Katie." Jessie tried her best to stay stiff but hearing that name instantly brought on another round of tears. Surprisingly Grace was the first to walk over and take Jessie into her arms, rubbing her back soothingly.

"She's gonna be ok Jess."

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" A dark-haired woman ran over with a microphone, followed closely by a man with a camera. Everyone's head looked up at her. She held the microphone up to her lips. "Can you tell me what happened?" Eli stepped in front of her.

"Listen she's been through a lot. Leave her alon-"

"Did you know any of the victims?" She ignored Eli's words and held the mic to Jessie for her to respond. His face darkened.

"Listen lady I think-"

"Did you witness the shooter kill anyone?" Jessie's head shot up at the woman. The reporter smirked, proud to have finally gotten the girl's attention. Suddenly her eyes went wide as Jessie tried to lunge at her, only to be held back by Rick and Eli. Karen moved right in front of the reporter, blocking her view of the young girl.

"Leave, or i will sue you for harassment." The woman's eyes narrowed.

"You can't." Karen took a step closer.

"Try me." Before the woman could reply, a commotion was heard from the front of the crowd. The reporter looked back and forth between Karen and the scene before jogging away with the camera crew.

The family looked past the sea of people to watch on as two EMT's carried out someone in a body bag. Jessie collapsed to the ground and started hyperventilating. Grace held her hand over her mouth and started backing away from the scene slowly. Eli bent down to assist the EMT with his sister, trying to coax the girl to breathe again. Zoe, who had gone unnoticed until now, did not move.

"Jessie, that's not Katie." Everyone turned and looked in the direction Zoe was pointing, only to see Katie being carried to an ambulance on a stretcher, Tad walking closely behind, holding his arm tightly. On shaky legs, Jessie stood up, using Eli for support and watched the EMT's load Katie into the rig. She squeezed Eli's arm.

"I need a to go with her." He nodded.

"Yeah, yeah we'll go now."

"We'll be right behind you," Rick said. Eli supported Jessie as they made their way to the car, only to be stopped by a hand on her arm. As Jessie turned around she met Sarah's face. The dark-haired girl took hold of Jessie's hand and placed a piece of paper in it.

"That's my number...if you find out anything ple-"

"Of coarse," Jessie replied quickly, already knowing what the girl meant. Sarah nodded in thanks. "You're not coming," she stated less like a question.

"No. I'm not strong enough to handle it." The blonde's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Sarah looked directly into her eyes.

"You love her enough to watch her die. But i can't do that. I'm not strong enough." Jessie's lips started quivering.

"She's not gonna die."

"I hope you're right," Sarah said, fighting back her own tears. Seeing the effect Sarah's words had on the young girl, Eli grabbed her arm again and started moving in the direction of the car.

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In the back of the ambulance, a woman was working on the wound in Tad's arm as the rest of the EMT's tended to Katie. His gaze stayed on her face, refusing to look at her bloody chest. The woman followed his gaze.

"She your girlfriend?" He shook his head. The woman bit her lip and looked at his arm again. "The bullet didn't hit an artery. You're gonna be fine." He didn't respond so she continued. "You know, this is only my first week on the job. It's strange, kind of ironic even. I thought I wouldn't see anything like this...at least not for a few years." He still didn't respond. "So who was the blonde girl?" He slowly turned his head to look at her.

"No offense, but my friend's kinda dying. I don't feel like talking," he said with an icy tone and turned his eyes back to Katie as the woman lowered her head in shame and continued to tend to his arm, slightly taken aback.

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I was just curious I guess. I've never seen someone fight that hard just to stay." He closed his eyes for a second before looking back to the woman, shrugging his shoulders.

"I guess it's true what they say." He turned back to Katie. "Love makes you do crazy things." He finally let his gaze fall to the wound in her chest. Slowly he reached out and grabbed her hand, stroking the knuckles gently. Tad jumped slightly as he felt her hand move.

Katie let out a small groan.

"Katie? Try not to move. My name is Mike. I'm an EMT. You were shot. We're on our way to the hospital. I need you to stay awake." Tad let out a sigh of relief and squeezed her hand.

"I'm here too Katie."

"Jessie..." She trailed off, too weak to speak. Katie managed to open her eyes briefly, looking at Tad.

"She's fine. She's meeting us at the hospital," he tried to assure her, only to be cut off as a buzzing sound emitted from one of the machines. Tad felt her hand slip out of his and watched her arm fall limply to the side.

"She's crashing. Get the paddles." Tad was pushed back into his seat by an EMT to make room.

"And CLEAR!" The shock jolted Katie's body. The machine continued it's buzzing.

"Again. CLEAR!" Another shock. Tad's breathing grew heavy as he looked back and forth between the girl and the machine showing a long flat line across it.

_B+W testimonial: Tad: No. Katie can't die. She can't, not like this. She's THE Katie Singer. (Looks down for a moment and lets out a laugh) You know, i remember this one time, w__e were probably about eight or so. We were having a race down this huge hill on our bikes. About half way down she ended up hitting a rock, falling off her bike. She was covered in scratches and her arm was broken so i told her we should just head back...but i should've known. She refused to lose the race to me. She jumped back on her bike and raced down the hill with one hand, (smiles and looks at the camera) And she won too. _

Tad wiped away the tears that appeared in the corner of his eyes. In the strongest voice he could muster, he addressed Katie. "Come on Singer. Where's that stubborness?" He waited as the EMT checked her pulse again, finding none. He narrowed his eyes at her, as if he was angry. "Let's go Singer. You really gonna give up that easy?" The EMT grabbed the paddles again.

"CLEAR!" Another shock. The machine started to beep again, very slowly. "We got a pulse." Tad smiled lightly.

"That's my girl." He reached out and took her hand in his once again.

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The automatic doors slid open as Jessie jogged into the Emergency Room, going directly to the front desk, the rest of the family lagging behind.

"I need to find Katie Singer. She was just brought in." Grace finally reached the desk, slightly out of breath. The older woman looked up at the two young girls.

"Was she one of the victims?" Jessie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Y-yes. Where is she?" The woman hesitated.

"Are you family?"

"Yes," Grace quickly answered. The woman at the desk looked up at her skeptically.

"We have a strict policy. Only family-"

"Please!" The blonde shouted.

"I'm sorry. If a family member gives you permission then-"

"Please," she asked softly. With a sympathetic sigh the woman looked at the computer screen, scanning it for Katie's name.

"It says she's in surgery." Grace turned to look at Jessie, who's face had just turned pale.

"Jess, you ok?" No response. Instead, the girl ran to the bathroom, making her way to the nearest stall and dropping to her knees. Grace came in not a second later and held the girl's silky blonde hair back as she threw up.

After a few minutes she was able to stand up on shaky legs and make her way over to the sink in order to wash up. She held her hands under the water and watched the blood go down the drain. Katie's blood. She splashed the water in her face a few times and rinsed out her mouth. When the blonde was finished, she turned off the faucet and looked up. For the first time all day she looked at herself in the mirror, unable to believe it was really her. She felt someone nudge her shoulder and turned her head to see Grace holding a paper towel out for her.

"Thanks." Grace only smiled sympathetically. With an unsteady hand she took it and dried her face, wiping away the make up smudges and dried blood. Jessie then attempted to smooth out her hair. She looked up to see her reflection again. "This doesn't seem real. Why is this happening?" Grace moved to stand beside her, looking at both of their reflections.

"All that comes to mind is bad things happen to good people. That's life i guess." Jessie didn't so much as blink. "But Jess, she's not dead...she needs you right now."

_B+W testimonial: Jessie: Since the first day we met, Katie's been looking out for me. She saved me that day with Tad. She ditched school with me because she knew i needed a break. She made sure i always ate something. She made sure no one messed with me at school. She even helped me with my mom after i came out to her. And right now all i can think is that i need her. How selfish is that? She's about to die and all i can think is that i need her to comfort me. (takes a deep breath nd looks at the camera) But for the first time she needs me. I have to be strong for her._

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The waiting room smelled of heavy floor cleaner. The T.V. was tuned into a food network channel, but no one seemed to be paying attention to it. Grace watched as Jessie walked back and forth in front of her, deep in thought. Grace's head fell and she stared down at her bright blue shoes, fascinated by them, almost as if she was expecting them to look different due to the circumstance.

"You call your boyfriend yet?" Grace looked up to see Eli taking the seat next to her while throwing an expired magazine onto the little table. She shook her head. Eli raised his eyebrow at her statement.

"Don't you think he'd want to know that you're ok?"

"I didn't have to call him. There was this mass evacuation at his school. He found out why and called me. I told him I was fine and not to worry."

"So he just didn't want to come here then?" Grace leaned back and looked up at the ceiling.

"I didn't tell him i was here. I didn't want him to come." Eli leaned back next to her and copied her position.

"Why not?" She shrugged and tilted her head to look at him.

"I don't know. Him being here wouldn't help. I didn't see a point." Eli turned to meet her gaze, staying there for a second until he heard a man clearing his throat.

"Katie Singer?" Jessie immediately stopped her pacing and looked at the doctor, along with everyone else.

"Is she ok?" Rick asked.

"I'm Dr. Cohen. Are you her father?" Before Rick could answer, Jessie stepped in.

"Her father's on a submarine right now. We haven't been able to reach him." He nodded.

"And her mother-" Jessie crossed her arms.

"Is in a special care facility. I can't get in touch with her brother's either. How is she?"

"Are you family?" She let out a sigh.

"I'm her girlfriend." He looked at Rick.

"Will you let me know when a guardian shows up?" Jessie took a step forward.

"But I just told you, there isn't anyone." Rick walked over and put his hand on her shoulder before looking back to the doctor.

"I'm willing to take legal responsibility for her." The doctor's mouth fell open before quickly shutting again.

"Umm there are a few forms i will need you to fill out first."

"That's fine." Dr. Cohen nodded.

"Then please, follow me." Rick followed the doctor into an empty office down the hall, as everyone else stayed in the waiting room. A few minutes later he walked back into the room, halting Jessie's pacing once again.

"Is she ok?" She looked at her father trying to brace herself for his answer.

"Jess, maybe you should sit down." He motioned to one of the chairs.

"NO! Tell me!" She shouted, causing most people in the room to stare. Rick let out a soft sigh.

"She's in the ICU right now. The bullet went right threw her heart. The damage was...pretty extreme." He paused to look at Jessie as she absorbed this information. "Her heart stopped beating in the ambulance but they were able to restart it." He scratched his head. "He used a lot of medical lingo...but basically-"

"Will she be alright?" The blonde asked. Rick shook his head.

"They're not sure. They were able to repair the heart in surgery. From what the doctor said, it seems they're waiting for the rest of her body to acknowledge that it's working. They should know in a few hours." Jessie walked toward the window and stared out into the parking lot. Without turning around, she spoke.

"Can i see her?" He shook his head again.

"Not yet." The family watched her, waiting for the tears, but they never came. Jessie looked back at her father.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk." All anyone could do was nod as she slowly made her way out of the room.

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Tad sat on the hospital bed trying very hard to get his jacket on. He winced in pain as he tried to lift up his wounded arm in it's sling to put the jacket over his shoulder. After many failed attempts he was ready to give up.

"Need help?" He looked towards the doorway to see Jessie leaning against it. He flashed her a small smile as she walked over, picking up the other side of his jacket and placing it over his shoulder.

"Thanks...you know the doctor said no heavy lifting for awhile, so i'm probably gonna need you to bring in those kegs for my party this weekend." A moment passed by before Jessie's laughing broke the silence. It felt foreign to her, as if she had forgotten how to laugh, or even smile for that matter. Tad smiled, happy he could relieve some of her tension.

"Only you Tad. Only you." She quieted down and waited for Tad to say what he was thinking.

"So...how is she?" He asked hesitantly.

"Not so good. She's in the ICU right now. I don't know if..." She couldn't bring herself to say those words choosing instead to bite her lip. With his good hand, Tad reached out and put his arm around her.

"Hey, she's gonna come out of this. She is Katie after all." She only nodded. "Do you mind coming with me somewhere?" She tilted her head up at him and, after a brief pause, nodded.

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"What is this?"

"A chapel," Tad said from his spot in the pew. He watched as Jessie stopped walking up and down the aisle to give him a dirty look.

"I know that. I sorta meant, why are we here?" He shrugged.

"I thought it might help you." She walked over and sat down next to him but stared straight ahead.

"It's weird. When my parents were still together, we would go to church all the time. I never understood why." Tad nodded.

"Katie never liked church. Once, when she was eight, she got bored and went to the corner by the candles. She almost burned the place down." Jessie smiled.

"Yeah, I remember her telling me that."

"Did she tell you how she thought the confessional was a bathroom when she was four?" She turned to him with mouth open in disbelief. Tad smiled.

"I guess that one's a little embarrassing. Don't tell her i told you. She'd kick my ass." They both laughed, calming down after a few minutes. "You know, everyone thought that she didn't believe in God."

"It's not true though."

"It's not. She still hates church but...she told me she thanks God everyday that she met you." He looked down at the blonde completely serious. Jessie squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to shed any tears. When she opened her eyes again she took a deep breath.

_B+W testimonial: Jessie: (looks at the camera and shrugs her shoulders) I guess it's worth a shot._

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"Hey Jessie." Eli made his way over to the vending machine where his sister stood, biting her nails, concentrating on the machine. "I'm glad you're eating.

"Katie would be pissed if she knew i wasn't." He smirked and leaned closer.

"So did you have a nice walk?" She nodded.

"Where'd you go?"

"I went to the church to pray."

"Ummm...oh. Didn't expect that...Did it help?" She nodded, still focusing on the food before her. "Having trouble choosing?" She nodded once again. He looked over her shoulder at the vending machine.

"Well, they have skittles."

"I know."

"What's the problem?"

"I don't like the purple." He scrunched his eyebrows.

"So?" She paused for a moment.

"...Katie always eats the purple for me." Eli put his hand on her shoulder and grinned.

"Well why don't you save them for her?" She finally turned away from the food and looked up at Eli in confusion. "Jess, the doctor just stopped by." Her arms fell to her side and her breathing became irregular.

"And?" His smile grew.

"You wanna go see her?"

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Well? Well? are you as thrilled about this as i am? Nice and long, just the way we like it. Originally it was gonna be 2 chapters to make it easier to read and i will tell you, most chapters (if any) will NOT be this long. But i figured you'd want a treat and who could resist?

i hope so. feel free to leave me reviews. i miss them so.

And i'm gonna do (or at least attempt to do) what i wanted to with my last story which is make every chapter the name of a song it relates to, not just a number.

And FYI i do not know much about the law and stuff involving medicine. So in my story just pretend that in emergencies, Rick can TOTALLY sign some stuff and become responsible for Katie.

now i will be pretty busy for the next few weeks. my girlfriend will be coming home from africa (i know who goes to africa?) but i will be driving up to see her and spend a long weekend with her. and for 2 weeks in july i'll be in australia (crazy right?) but lucky for you i've already written a few chapters. i just have to spice them up a little and POOF! we have weekly updates again. hopefully the rest of the lovely JK writers will follow my lead.

again, i hope you all enjoyed this

Love,

ME =)


	2. say it's possible

Hey hey hey! So i'm not dead...i know you all worried. but some good news, i have a new chapter! better news, i'm gonna have weekly updates from now on! even better news, i don't have herpes!!!! and for those of u who do? sorry.

sorry for the wait. life has been hectic. i took my trip to Australia, but before i left i kind of broke up with my girlfriend. then my best friend decided that she wanted a friends with benefits thing happening and i SHOULD have said no cuz i dont want to complicated my life but...well, im a horny teenager, what do you expect from me? and now there are a bunch of other people who want to go out with me and im very confuzzled. And then i met this AMAZING GIRL and we've kissed and everything, but we're not going out and i don't know if she wants to. did going to australia make me hotter? perhaps, perhaps. anyways with school starting soon, and cross country camp, writing has been the last thing on my mind.

so i know you allll want to hear about my journey to the land down under...tehe, nah you probably just want to go read the chapter. well Fine! be that way, meanies. just remember i got to play with kangeroos and you didn't so there!!! yeah, now i know your jealous. too bad!

just kidding i love you all mucho amounts.

Faffy-i hope you are reading this. i'm thrilled you enjoyed my other story.. haha i know i listen to awesome music, but basically normal? pleasseeee i am NOT normal. but then again, i dont know what normal is. i felt the same way when people started killing Katie in like, every story. i admit, All Over Me was one of the best stories i have even read, but it was still upsetting. i made this sequel more like movie-ish plotline. Well like a TV show, but a movie, because most movies have really intense battles and stuff that make you think the hero might be dead, but you know it will have a happy ending and he/she will live. **WE** all know Katie lives, but no one in this story knows. Thank you for all those lovely compliments, and your welcome.

FeelLikeRain-yay for my first review...er...reviewer...and the review =) You are, as always, wonderful. thank you hun. and i'm going to try to get you more chapters very soon.

WonderousPlaceForAnEcho-yeahhhh legal issues are not my thing. i don't understand a bit of law and order, or ER... but both are awesome. and in AmandaLand, everythinggg is possible, because i say so. if i want Katie to live, she will, if i want Rick to be a temporary guardian for Katie, he is. if i want Jessie to have a hippo as a pet??? well, i won't have that...but i could if i wanted it. it's strange because you'd never guess, but i'm actually reallyyy religious and i love my church, and temple. but i'm friends with muslims,christians, jews, athiests, wiccans. i wanted to throw God in somewhere (cuz im selfish and i want to use a song later) and Katie always seemed to me to be a girl that well...wasn't all that into it, so...yeahh.

twin who likes to travel-i do love when you post new chapters (even though i have to deal with the dawn/jessie thing...ewww) but you, my friend, have been slacking with updates as well (given you already wrote over 50 chapters). although there is a BIGGG gap between the first 2 chapters, i will be starting weekly updates from here on out. i hope that other writers take the hint and do that as well. because, although i love writing, reading is just as wonderful, and i would love if i got a new chapter from other stories as a reward for putting up another chapter in my story. im just saying.

as for everyone else? thank you for your reviews. sorry i didn't name ya. but...SHOUT OUT TO MY PEEPS!!!! better? good.

Authors note/ disclaimer--i believe you are all veryyyyy smart, but they make me put these things up for those stupid people who haven't figured out that i dont own...like...anything. the title of the last chapter was **"What Sarah Said" by Death Cab For Cutie **and this chapter is called **"Say It's Possible" by Terra Naomi**. as always, enjoy =)

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The faint sound of the heart monitor could be heard echoing throughout the room. Jessie had been standing by the door for some time now, afraid to move. The tears only fell faster when she saw the girl lying there, tubes hooked up to her and monitors creating a harmonic sound. It made her sick to her stomach again.

With hesitant steps she made her way over to the bed, taking a seat beside it in a nearby chair. Her hand crept up slowly and grasped the other girl's hand in her own.

"Oh Katie." With her other hand she reached out and traced the outline of her face.

_B+W testimonial: Jessie: (stares at Katie) Her skin is so soft. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't be. It's almost like she's just sleeping. God, how could this have happened to someone as perfect as Katie? My Katie?_

She stood up and moved forward slightly, letting her lips brush over the girl's forehead.

"Jess?" She hesitantly took her eyes off of the other girl and looked at one of Katie's older brothers.

"Ethan." She stood up and walked over to him, unsure of what to say. The two looked at each other for a few minutes before sharing an awkward hug. When they pulled back, Ethan smiled down at her.

"Thanks for staying with her." She could only nod.

"Is the rest of the family here?" He shook his head and walked over to stand at the end of the bed, staring at his sister.

"Gabe's catching a flight home now, dad's still on the Sub. No one's been able to reach him. And Parker's still at school in New York. He won't get the message till he gets back from class." The blonde walked over and stood beside him.

"Have you talked to the doctors?" Ethan nodded slowly.

"He said there's little change. She might not wake up." She felt another round of tears coming.

"B-bbut it's possible right? She could. I mean, what do they know. They could be wrong." He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Jess-" She quickly looked up at him.

"Just say it's possible," she pleaded. He let out a sigh and nodded.

"Yeah, it's possible." She turned back to Katie.

_B+W testimonial: Jessie: The truth is such a funny thing. The truth is i want more than anything to believe him. But the REAL truth is that i'm in denial. It's not probable that she'll wake up. The chance of salvation was just a passing thought really. But she's Katie. I'm not giving up on her. I CAN'T._

"What do you think?" Jessie had been lost in thoughts.

"Huh?" He took a deep breath and repeated what he had just said.

"The doctor said something about a new drug. It might help to strengthen her heart." Her eyes finally showed some life for the first time since the event.

"Then don't wait. We have to get it for her now."

"We still have some things to consider-"

"What are you talking about? Katie may not have time to consider. We have to act now, or we might not have the option later. This offer is amazing, almost too good to be true." He took a step away from the girl, whose voice was starting to rise.

"Woah, calm down. It might work, but there's no guarantee. It's only experimental. There are risks. It's possible that it won't work. Or it might make it worse." Jessie rubbed her temples slowly.

"I can't pretend i'm alright watching the person i love die. Not when there may be something out there to save her." He walked over and gently wiped a tear away from her eye.

"I think i know what's best right now. I'd be more worried about the drug making her worse." She shook her head, trying to back away but he pulled her into a hug.

"No, you don't. You can't just..." She trailed off and opted instead to cry into his shoulder, burying her face in his shirt.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours had past. Tad made his way over to Katie's room and watched her through the window connected to the hallway.

_B+W testimonial: Tad: (stares at Katie) i love you, but you're an idiot. You always call me one but...geez why did you hafta go and do something like this? Why'd you do it Katie? (let's out a long sigh) You're and idiot, you know that? You were suppose to choose ME._

"How's it going little bro?" Tad smirked at his comment as Ethan made his way to stand beside him. Tad carefully adjusted the sling before shrugging.

"Could be better. They loaded me up on meds right now so i am flying." Ethan let out a soft chuckle.

"Any nurses offer to give you a sponge bath?" Tad shook his head. The two of them stood there in silence for a few minutes before Ethan turned to the younger man.

"Thank you." Tad finally took his eyes off of Katie to look at her older brother with a questioning gaze.

"For?" He nodded toward his sister, lying in the other room.

"Being there for her when i couldn't."

"Well someone had to go with her in the ambulance. I figured since we were going to the same place, it'd be a good idea to carpool. You know, for the environment and all," He joked, trying to lighten the seriousness of the mood.

No I'm not just talking just about today. You guys have been friends as long as i can remember. You always seemed to have her back. You were there when her own family couldn't be. I never got a chance to thank you.I mean it, you are like our brother, always have been." Before Tad could object, a nurse walked over.

"Excuse me, but i need you to sign some papers for your sister." As Katie's brother walked away, Tad couldn't help but let his eyes fall back to his friend.

"Come on Katie..."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was getting late. Jessie was sitting by Katie once again, staring out the window. She watched as the hospital turned on the lights outside, emitting a soft glow. Stars were starting to become more visible. She couldn't believe that the world was still turning, when her world stopped with Tom pulling the trigger. Everything seemed to be changing. It didn't seem real that everything could be so different from just this morning.

Jessie was so distracted by her thoughts she did not notice Grace standing by the door, holding two cups.

"Knock Knock." The young girl looked towards the doorway. "Can i join you?" She nodded as Grace walked over, handing one of the two coffee's over to the other girl and sitting down next to her. Jessie tried to put on a smile in appreciation.

"Thank you." Grace nodded.

"You looked like you could of used it." She bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

_B+W testimonial: Grace: I was never good at comforting people. I don't know how my mom does it. She always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better._

_"_So...how's the coffee?" She rolled her eyes at the stupidity of her own question.

"Hmmm?" The blonde looked down at her cup. "Oh oh, it's great," she said as she lifted the cup to her lips, taking her first sip. Grace bit her lip.

"You know if you need to talk..." The blonde stopped her.

"Yeah, i know. Thanks." A silence echoed through the room. Finally, Grace let out a sigh and turned to her sister.

"I love you." Jessie took her eyes from Katie once again and stared at the older girl, surprised by her outburst. "I just...I don't say it enough. I know we fight a lot. But i just needed to tell you that the thought of losing you scared the crap out of me and all i could think about was telling you that i'm glad our parents met and i'm glad you're my sister and-"

"I love you too." Jessie reached out and grabbed Grace's hand that was resting on her lap, giving it a squeeze. "Now breathe." A small smile graced the older girl's lips.

"I just..." She looked down at their hands, then back up to her sister's eyes. "i'm just glad you're ok. And WHEN Katie wakes up, let me know. I want to thank her." Jessie looked at Grace and smiled.

"Yeah...i'll let you know."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You should go home." Karen jumped, slightly startled by Rick's voice. She moved her feet off of the seat that she was resting on, uncrossed her arms and rubbed her sleepy eyes.

"Hmm?" She glanced around the waiting room noticing Eli watching t.v. as Grace slept next to him, using his shoulder as a pillow. "Where's Lily?" Rick sat dow next to his ex wife.

"Home. Like you should be. Go get some rest." Karen straightened her clothes out and sat up.

"No. I'm going to stay for Jessie." He let out a sigh of defeat but nodded and picked up a magazine, skimming through the pages quickly before giving up and tossing it back on the table. Karen just kept her eyes on her hands folded in her lap.

"Rick?" He raised his eyebrow at her.

"I was wrong about them. I made a mistake. Gosh, i was so horrible to Jessie. To Katie." He sat up more.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't see. I guess i just thought that they had that high school puppy love. But the look in Jessie's eyes...my baby girl is in love. REAL love. And now she's about to lose it." Tears slowly made their way down her cheek. Rick put his hand on her back and started to rub it.

"Shhh we don't know that."

"Rick...she's so young. She shouldn't have to go through this. God, why is this happening?" He wrapped his arms around the woman and let her cry into his shirt.

"Everything will be just fine Karen. Just fine."

_B+W testimonial: Rick: Come on Katie. Wake up. Just, please. For Jessie. Wake up..._

__________________

and since i feel so bad for making you wait, i'm going to have another chapter up, hopefully by the end of tomorrow.

i hope you will forgive me for my absence.

a week until school starts...ewwwww. But i just have to remember, only one year left.

good news for you- as soon as i send in all my college stuff, i won't give a damn about school, so i'll have plenty of time to write =)

so i hope this satisfied you for now.

love you all!!!!


	3. Breathe In Breathe Out

Are you guys pissed? I'd be pissed. You're probably pissed.

I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry. i have failed you.

i was all like "yeah i'm totally gonna update every week" and then i was like "i'm such a horrible person for not updating every week" (cause i have multiple personalities so i can yell at...well myself.

but i am sorry for keeping you waiting. I PROMISE YOU i am not going to just forget about this story. my life has just been one big pile of crazy with starting school and my 5 AP's (yeah, so much for taking easy my senior year), relationships, fighting with my coach cause he was giving away my varsity spot, college applications. etc....

my solution?

i'm dropping out of high school and working at McDonalds. Boys suck and Girls suck so i just decided i'm gonna be a nun (but first i have to be catholic). i'm just gonna stab the girl trying to take my spot on the team, simple. and for college? i'm hiring an asian to do all my work for me.

i know i know, i am a genius.

but remember: me no geto medicaly lingo...comprendo?

...right...and i obviously don't speak spanish either (ignores the three years of honors spanish she took) but i'm not going to be a doctor so i don't really give a damn. this is Amanda's world so again, if i want Jessie to grow flippers? So shall it be....but i won't...that'd be awkward.

ok this song is **"BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT" by Matt Kearney**. As always, enjoy.

* * *

Katie made an attempt to open her eyes, instantly shutting them once the brightness of the light hit her. The pain in her chest made her reluctant to move. She tried again, blinking a few times to adjust. Her eyes scanned the white room.

Looking down, she couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips at seeing a mess of blonde hair splayed out. The young girl breathed in the lavender sent of the blonde's hair, and let it out, savoring the scent. She reached out and pushed some of it back, revealing a sleeping Jessie, with Katie's hand close to her lips, being held in a tight grip.

"Beautiful…" the word traveled quietly passed her lips. As she shifted in the bed in an attempt to sit up, Jessie began to stir. She picked her head up and brushed her hair back. Looking up she was met by a smiling Katie.

"Hey you." Crystal-like tears started to fall from her eyes and her breathing became heavy. Katie moved her now free hand up to Jessie's face and stroked her cheek. She scrunched her eyes in confusion, the smile never leaving her face. "Why are you crying?" Jessie's tears fell faster with that statement and she tried her best to choke back a sob. She grabbed hold of Katie's hand and leaned into it, placing a few kisses on the palm.

"Oh Katie..." She turned her gaze back to Katie, meeting the older girl's sparkling eyes. In one swift motion she stood up, grabbed Katie's face, and began to plant kisses everywhere she could; her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, and her chin. For a moment, Jessie just stared at her, taking in every little detail, her eyes finally landing on her lips. She leaned in closer to greedily kiss Katie, with everything she had before pulling back to get a good look at Katie and the grin plastered on her face.

"Well, that's a hell of a way to wake up." Jessie let a small chuckle pass her lips, relief setting in briefly. She leaned in for another passionate kissing, pulling away soon after to stare into Katie's eyes.

"God, i thought i lost you."

"Hey i told you, i'm not going anywhere." The blonde lifted her hand to the other girl and stroked her hair back.

"I'm going to go get the doctor, okay?" Katie nodded.

"I'll be right here." Jessie kissed Katie one more time before standing up and walking out of the door. Katie took a moment to look around the bare room and sighed. "Question is, why am i here?"

* * *

The coffee in Rick's hand sat there forgotten. It had gone cold an hour or so ago without his realization.

"Mr. Sammler?" His eyes drifted up to see two young men. Both were at least six feet tall and well built. The one who addressed him had short dirty blonde hair and dark circles under his eyes, as if he had not slept in days. The other had eyes that shined just like Katie's. His hair fell in front of his eyes and his face was unshaven. "Hi. We're Katie's brothers. I'm Gabe, this is Parker." Rick stood up and shook their hands.

"You're family is almost as big as mine." They all forced out a small laugh to break the tension before settling back into the awkward silence. "I'm sorry about what happened to your sister." Gabe nodded.

"We just wanted to say thank you, for taking care of her." Rick nodded again.

_B+W testimonial: Rick: It's hard for a parent to just stand there and watch their child suffer. The worst is not being able to do a thing about it. When Jessie cried...I mean, it was so easy when she was younger. Give a three year old a cookie and they're suddenly happy. Now she needs a Katie...I don't have one of those._

"She's awake! She's awake!" Everyone in the waiting room rubbed the sleep out of their eyes and stood up as the blonde teenager ran into the waiting room. The girl's smile carried over her whole face, giving long lost color to her cheeks.

* * *

Katie squinted at the intensity of the light shining from the end of the doctors pen being waved in front of her face directly into her eyes. He placed it back into his pocket.

She hissed when the icy chill of the stethoscope touched her back a few moments later.

"Breathe in, breathe out." Katie did as she was told, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"Now follow my finger." Katie listened to the doctor again, following it left to right. After a few moments the doctor picked up his clipboard and scribbled something down.

"I umm I feel a little stiff? Like i'm having trouble moving," Katie whispered, a little unsure if she should tell the doctor. Without looking up he addressed her.

Well Ms. Singer, you know the heart's a very important part of you body."

"Well Duh," Katie attempted to whisper to herself, but actually saying it a little louder than she meant to. The doctor only smiled.

"MY POINT is it's responsible for a lot in your body. The bullet destroyed a lot of it. We're going to have you attend physical therapy sessions in order to get your strength back."

"Thank you doctor," Ethan said, receiving only a nod from the doctor in reply.

"All right we're running some tests right now. I'll come back in a few hours with the results. Until then take it easy, ok? Now Nurse Romaine is going to change your bandages so I ask everyone to wait outside." He flashed Katie a smile and nodded at the other occupants of the room before turning and walking out of the door, followed by Katie's brothers. As Jessie started to leave, the injured girl grabbed her arm, halting her movements.

"Stay?" The blonde nodded and took a seat beside the bed interlocking her fingers with Katie's. She watched as the nurse began to strip the bandage covering the girl's chest but quickly turned her head away, unable to look at the raw flesh. "Babe, you ok?" The blonde nodded, still not looking up, as the nurse replaced the bandages and left the room. Katie gingerly reached out her hand and lifted Jessie's chin so the other girl was looking her in the eye. "It's not as bad as it looks. It doesn't hurt. Everybody bleeds this way. It's just the same. Doesn't mean I'm in trouble. Ok?" Jessie shook her head.

"No, not ok. This isn't like you just felt off the slide and scraped your knee Katie. You were shot. They weren't even sure if you'd live. What if those tests come back and we find out you have something seriously wrong with you?" Her grip tightened on the older girl's hand.

"You're having doubts aren't you? That i won't get better?" She let out a sigh.

"No. Not exactly. I just worry." Katie patted a spot on the bed next to her.

"Come here. Tell me." The blonde hesitated for a second before cautiously taking a seat on the bed and leaning back onto Katie's pillow, careful not to move the bed to much. The brunette snaked her hand down and grabbed Jessie's hand once again.

"I thought you were gone. I don't know what i would've done if you left me."

"I told you, I'm not letting go. I'm not leaving you. If everyone goes away, I'm still going to be here with you." Jessie shifted her head to look at Katie lying next to her.

"Promise?" She smiled and nodded her head.

"Promise. The worst is over."

* * *

The eldest Manning daughter stood in front of the vending machine biting the nail on her finger, her eyes scanning the shelves.

"I'd never trust a vending machine food from a hospital." She shifted her head to look the man up and down before turning back to the machine.

"You're Katie's brother." He smirked.

"How could you tell?"

"Same cocky attitude." She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing at his reaction. He laughed and shook his head.

"Names' Parker. My sister isn't dating you, is she?" She looked at him again with her eyebrow raised, then back at the food.

"No. I'm Grace. You're looking for Jessie." The man tucked his messy brown hair behind his ears, only causing it to fall in front of his eyes again.

"So...then why are you here?"

"Jessie is my sister. And Katie is my friend." He nodded and watched as she lifted her fingers to the buttons dropping her arm back down to her side.

"Is she nice? Jessie that is."

"Well I may be biased because she's my sister." He put his hands in his pocket.

"I'd like to hear your opinion." Grace let out a sigh.

"She's annoying, she acts like a child and she'll flip out on you for calling her out on it." She turned her head to stare into his brown eyes.

"But if you're worried about her with Katie, don't be. As corny as it is, they seem to fit perfectly together. Like a puzzle or something just as rediculous." She turned back to the machine once again and reached out for the buttons. She let her hand drop once again with a frustrated growl. He smiled and bent over, pressing the keys. The vending machine dropped the food and Parker picked it up through the slot, holding it out for Grace.

"I say you can't go wrong with chocolate." She looked between him and the chocolate bar before smiling in gratitude and taking the offer.

"Thanks for your help."

"No thank you." The young man grinned before walking down the hall and leaving Grace alone. She turned back to the food and put another dollar into the slot.

"Now, if only i could remember what Eli wanted..."

* * *

"Jess?"

"Hmm?" Katie looked down briefly.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: I'm not sure if i really want to know._

She was awakened out of her stupor by a hand under her chin, guiding her eyes up to meet sparkling blue ones.

"What are you thinking?" Katie took Jessie's hand off of her face and placed it in her lap between her own.

"What happened?" Jessie scrunched her eyes in confusion.

"What do you mean?" The brunette bit her lip.

"I can't...remember...I mean, we were in the library and then i woke up here..." Jessie swallowed.

"You don't remember?"

"It's a little fuzzy." The younger girl lifted up her hand and brought it gently to the other girl's chest, slowly tracing the wound hidden under the nightgown.

"Tom...he umm...he shot you...do you remember?" Katie nodded as her eyes drifted toward a spot on the white wall.

"He...he was going to hurt you..."

"Yeah...but you saved me. Katie, you saved all of us. You're a hero."

"That's a pretty heavy title...what happened to Tom? And the others?" Jessie ran her hand up and down Katie's arm.

"I umm...I really don't know. I haven't really thought about it....I've only been thinking about you." Katie turned back to meet a pair of cloudy blue eyes. She tugged on Jessie's hand, pulling the girl into her arms.

"After...after he shot you...Katie, he's dead. He shot himself." Jessie had trouble reading the emotion on her girlfriend's face. The blank stare was overpowering. "I know....I know you were friends...are you ok? Baby?" A few seconds went by before the other girl looked at the blonde and nodded.

"Yeah, yeah...I'm ok."

* * *

"Can i come in?" Tad poked his head through the door that was slighty ajar, taking a peek at the bed.

"No, you have to stay out there all day." She couldn't wipe the smirk off of her face. Her friend put on a fake pout.

"Aww, please?" She rolled her eyes.

"Fine." He smiled and entered the room, closing the door gently behind him. As he sat down on the edge of her bed he reached into his pocket and pulled out a candy bar, handing it over to her, causing Katie's eyes to light up like a child. "I knew there was a reason i loved you." The girl quickly ripped off the wrapper and broke off a piece, shoving it with greed into her watering mouth. "Oh so good. Don't tell Russel, but you're my favorite." He let out a small laugh.

Tad waited patiently for her to finish the chocolate, choosing to entertain himself by playing with the strap on his sling. Katie swallowed the last bite in no time, tossing the wrapper to the nightstand beside her and taking a real look at Tad for the first time.

"So how is it?" He looked at her and shrugged.

"It makes me look tougher." He reached out hesitantly and took her hand. "How are you?" Katie shrugged back.

"It doesn't hurt until i think about it...or move...or breathe. But other than that i feel great," Katies stated in an attempt at dry humor. He smiled.

_B+W testimonial: Tad: Even after all of this, she can still make me smile. Goes to prove she's insane as ever._

"Tad?" He came out of his thoughts and looked at her.

"Hmm?" Katie stared intently at her hands in her lap as her fingers gently grazed the smoothness of the blanket.

"I just...I need to know what happened. I didn't want to ask Jessie so..." She trailed off, biting her lip gently. Tad took a deep breath.

"After Tom...you know...well Jessie was panicking. The whole room was. I think Tom was upset that even...well even with you being in the state you were in, you managed to hold the room's attention." He closed his eyes, as if it could help him recall the details of the event. "I heard this loud bang again. When i looked over, all i saw was Tom on the ground. He umm...he shot himself. The cops came in, paramedics; they took you away, declared Tom dead at the scene..." He reopened his eyes and watched Katie, trying to find a reaction to the information, but unable to determine how she was feeling. She sat there, still focusing her attention on the blanket, although her fingers had ceased their movements.

"Is he the only one who-" She stopped her sentence, seeing her answer in Tad's face as he shook his head. "Listen, i didn't want to ask Jess about this but i need to know. What about Liz? Is she ok? Did she..." Katie couldn't bring herself to ask. The boy reached out his good hand, resting in on her folded knee.

"They brought her here. I haven't checked on her in awhile. Last i heard she was doing ok, or at least a little better than you. I'm not sure if she's awake yet." The brunette let out a sigh of relief and leaned back onto her pillow.

"So...do you want to play checkers or something?"

* * *

_"I bet he means a lot to you." She nodded. He pointed the gun now to Jessie, causing the blonde to freeze in terror on the ground. "I bet she does too." Katie stepped in front of her._

_"Don't kill her. Please don't. She has nothing to do with this." He lowered the gun._

_"You just said it Katie. Life isn't fair. So why should it be any easier for you? I lose everything while you get to be happy? You can't have both." He paused. "So you have a choice. Who am I shooting here Katie?" He waved the gun back and forth between Tad and Jessie, waiting for Katie to tell him who to stop at._

_Hey eyes scanned the room, looking at the terror plastered on her classmates' faces, silently praying that someone would come and make this decision for her. She walked in the direction of Tad, stopping a few feet in front of him._

_She looked at Tad, leaning against the heater on the floor. The girl next to him was trying to stop the bleeding with an old shirt. He looked up at her with heavy eyes, searching for an answer, silently asking if he was going to die. The blood made her want to throw up._

_When her head turned toward Jessie, her heart was yanked out of her chest. The tears freely falling from those blue eyes were too much for her to handle. The blonde stared back, wishing this wasn't real. In that moment, she realized the answer to Tom's question had already been decided for her._

_"Me." Jessie's eyes went wide; matching everyone else's in the room. He raised his eyebrow at the brunette._

_"You'd die for them?"_

_"Yes." She answered without a moments hesitation._

_"No Katie, don't!" Jessie pleaded, but Katie ignored her._

_He cocked the gun, letting the sound ring in everyone's ears. The tears were falling faster from Jessie's eyes. The two boys next to her held her arms, holding her back. She didn't care if they were trying to help her. She screamed for them to let her go._

_Katie stood there staring at Tom, not the gun that was aimed toward her. For the first time since she entered the library, the fear had left her eyes. The gun didn't scare her. But the fact that the person holding was a friend did. She remembered growing up with this seemingly normal boy. It was hard for her to believe this was happening._

_Tom's hand finally squeezed the trigger. The bullet spiraled in the air, cutting through the fabric of Katie's shirt. Blood splattered onto the ground. The force of the bullet caused Katie to be pushed backwards. It was in slow motion. Katie's body went limp and started to fall._

_"KATIE!"  
_

"JESSIE!" Katie shot up in bed panting and drenched in sweat. Hearing the monitors go off, Gabe woke up from his slumber, running to her side and rubbing her back. She felt as if her head was exploding; the dream pushing her away and pulling her back in. She felt sick to her stomach.

"It's okay Kat. Relax. Relax. Breathe in and breathe out. Shh it's ok." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, turing to look at her brother.

"Jessie-"

"Is okay. She went home with her parents. She'll be back in a few hours." The monitors slowed their beeping as her heart rate went down. Gabe bent down and kissed her forehead. He wrapped his arms around her and gently rocked her. "It was just a dream sis." Her hands gripped tightly around his shirt and she rested her head on his shoulder, gently shaking.

* * *

_"A real tragedy. Fifteen students, including the shooter, and four teachers were reporter dead at the scene. Another eight have since died. Twelve other victims remain in critical condition at-" _Jessie ripped the remote from Zoe's hand and shut off the television.

"You shouldn't be watching this."

_B+W testimonial: Zoe: Normally when Jessie does this we end up getting into a big fight. I mean, who is she to tell me what i can and can't watch on t.v.? (bites her lip) But i guess this is kinda different._

"Sorry, i was just trying to find something to watch." Jessie ran her fingers through her hair.

"I know. Hey I'm going to go see Katie. Anything you want me to tell her?"

"Just that i'm glad she's ok...and that when she gets better i need her to help me cook for my bake sale." The older girl grinned and ruffled her sister's hair.

"I'll be sure to pass the message along."

* * *

Katie repeatedly pushed the button on the side of the bed, becoming agitated with each passing second.

"Geez i bet this isn't even hooked up to anything." Just then the door knob began to turn and in walked Jessie with a smile on her face. Katie looked up at the girl, then down to the button, then up again with a smirk.

"Much better than a nurse." The blonde walked toward the bed, her face showed her confusion but held her smile.

"What?" The older girl shook her head."Nothing...so hi." Jessie bent over and pecked the other girl's lips. She pulled back but kept her face within an inch from Katie's face.

"Hi back." The brunette frowned.

"That's all I get?" The young Sammler rolled her eyes and leaned forward but stopped short upon hearing the door creak open and immediately stood up, although she kept her hand on the girl's arm.

A nurse with ginger hair walked in with her back to the two girls, dragging a wheelchair along behind her. She left the chair by the door and walked up to Katie with a smile.

"Can I help you?"

"What?"

"You pushed the button."

"Oh yeah, right. I need to use the bathroom."

"Oh well there's a bedpan right-" Katie waved her hand.

"No I want to go to the actual bathroom." The nurse raised her eyebrows, slightly taken aback by her frankness.

"Umm ok then. Why don't i just bring the wheelchair to you and-"

"No i want to walk."

"Katie," Jessie said in a warning tone.

"Please?" The nurse let out a sigh.

"How 'bout you walk to the wheelchair and see how you do?" Katie responded by throwing the blankets off and dragging her legs over the side of the bed. The nurse put her arm around her waist for support and helped her off the bed. Jessie sat down on a nearby chair as she watched her love on wobbly legs attempt to stand by herself.

"Katie relax."

"I've been in that bed for three days. I want to move on my own."

"Just let the nurse help you."

"No, I can do it myself." Jessie couldn't help but giggle at her childishness. Even the nurse couldn't hold back her smile, though she had been so uncomortable just seconds before. Katie stumbled, falling before the nurse pulled her back up. She let out an exagerated sigh.

"Geez. I just want to go to the bathroom. It shouldn't be this frickin difficult." The nurse spoke up.

"You've only been here a short time. It's going to take a little longer before you're better and until then you have to give yor heart a break and let people help you. Now hold onto my arm. Hold tight." After a few shaky steps she arrived at her wheelchair and, wth the help of the nurse, sat down. Katie crossed her arms and huffed.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: This is going to take FOREVER! (sighs) I just want to go home already. (smirks) Maybe Jessie wouldn't mind being my nurse._

"What are you smiling about?" She looked up to see Jessie with her eyebrows raised. The older girl just smiled bigger.

"Umm...I love you?" It came out as more of a question than anything else. The blonde arched her eyebrow.

"Yeah, i'm sure," she said skeptically. "Now go. I'll be here when you get back." She bent down and kissed her cheek before the nurse wheeled the girl out of the room.

* * *

The tapping of the doctors fingers was all that could be heard in the hospital room. After a few minutes of silence, Katie let out an exasperated sigh.

"Do you have to keep doing that?" The man's movements ceased.

"Ok Kathyrn, these sessions are mandatory, and i want to know w-"

"It's Katie." She interrupted him.

"Ok. Katie. What do you want to accomplish from these meetings?"

"Isn't it what the school wants to accomplish? Having everyone see shrinks?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"That's partially true. But i want to know about what YOU want Katie. These sessions will ultimately be for you. What do you want to do?"

"I just want to move on. Put all of this behind me." He jotted something down in the notebook in front of him and nodded.

"So you haven't broken down yet?"

"Well it's not like the world is going to stop moving on. I'm just playing it by ere. One day at a time. I just have to make it through another night. Then another. Then another. Soon I'll be out of here and everything will be fine." Another nod.

"You really believe that?" She bit her lip.

"Look I...I just want to get out of this hospital. I don't want to think about what happened. I just want to go home." He took off his glasses and put his notebook down on the nearby table, resting them on top of it.

"Your brother told me you had a dream last night. Woke up screaming." She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"It was nothing. I can' t remember it."

"Katie. You have been through a tramatic ordeal. You survived a massacre and it's important tha-"

"Don't call it that!" He was taken aback by her stern voice. Her fists clenched tight on their own accord, her breathing much more shallow than a moment ago. He replaced his glasses to their original position on his face and picked up a notebook, scribbling something down.

"I want to help you Katie." Her eyes darkened.

"I don't need your help. I'm perfectly fine." He put his notebook into his suitcase and picked it up as he stood.

"It was nice meeting you Kathryn. I'll see you next week." The man walk out of the room, leaving Katie glaring at the door.

"It's Katie..."

* * *

It was well passed visiting hours. The hallways were quieter than normal, only a few scattered nurses and doctors. The medicine wasn't as strong as she hoped and it took a little longer for her chest to stop hurting. She was amazed that her brother convinced the hospital to let Jessie stay the night. _'I guess after everything that happened with the shooting, the doctors are being a little lenient.'_

Katie looked left to the window and saw the glow of the full moon and the stars. She looked to her right to see Jessie curled up in her arms. The light from the sky illuminated her features, giving her an angelic disposition. She took a deep breath; in and out, in and out, the lavender sent of Jessie's hair filling her lungs, replacing the pain in her heart with a pleasurable warmth. Her eyes leisurely dropped and she soon fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

=)

so if you liked it? you should review and tell me. if you are pissed that it took this long for a new chapter and you actually had to re-read the other chapter because you forgot what happened? you should review and tell me. If you like apple pie? you should review and tell me.


	4. Shattered

...you still love me right? even though i haven't updated in like 435724692675846592346559 years? or uh months?

will it help if i said i was sorry? no?

would it help if i gave you a cookie? no? with sprinkles? rainbow sprinkles?

oh poop. finnneeeeee i guess i can give you another chapter if that's what you reallyyyy want.

i'm sure you're happy to know that i'm NOT dead, that my winter season of track is over in a week, i took my midterms, AND my college apps are completely uhhh complete....anyone know what that means? well, i'll tell you. it means i have wayyyy too much free time, more than i know what to do with. SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOO that means if i was given motivation, i could have one, maybe two more chapter within the next week or so.

i know i know, please hold your applause.

twin who likes to travel- i'm sorry. i know you're probably enraged because i have failed epically with the whole "updating all the time" thing.

paramorelover-i'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. it might help to "freshen up" again and re-read a chapter...or skim it, just so you remember where we are lol. but i shouldn't laugh, considering this is entirely my fault.

begin to fray-thank you for answering my questions. they were very important. and you being english makes you like 458375045 times cooler in my book.

WonderousPlaceForAnEcho- I loveeeeeee pumpkin pie...not that you really needed to know that. i was enjoy your reviews for the insight. i hope you enjoy this one too. not much cutsie stuff for JK...oh that's a lie. of coarse there is. but there will be even more in the next few chapters.

baley-fo-life- i am honored you'd give up sleep just to read my stories (blushes), that's true dedication. thank you.

ok here we go. This chapter is mostly about Katie. She's in every scene...just because i love her. This is **"Shattered" by Trading Yesterday**...except i think they changed their name to like age of information but i don't want to confuse anyone or myself so....yeah enjoy yourselves =)

* * *

The combination of a something moving in the bed next to her and the rustling of sheets caused Katie's eyes to flutter open. The brightness of the sunlight breaking through the blinds of the window was too much for Katie's eyes and she instantly snapped them shut, regretting her decision to open them in the first place. Slowly she cracked one eye open and glanced at the clock by her bedside, reading the time to be seven. She let out a groan.

"Oh that can't be right. No way it's morning already."

"You're absolutely right. The sunlight is just an illusion." Katie rolled over and met a pair of bright blue eyes, amplified by the morning sun. She smiled.

"When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. You were still sleeping, i didn't have the heart to wake you up. Your snoring is kind of cute." Katie frowned.

"I do NOT snore." Jessie chuckled and leaned forward slightly to press her lips to the other girl's for a brief kiss.

"Anyway, i thought I'd hop into bed and snuggle with you for awhile. I hope you don't mind." The brunette smirked.

"Not At All." She leaned forward and connected her lips with the blonde, trying to suppress the urge to moan in the process. Jessie pulled away all too soon for Katie and jumped off of the bed, causing the girl to pout. The blonde bent down, out of sight of the other girl.

"That look will get you no where. Besides, i brought you a present." Katie's pout vanished at her girlfriend's words and she sat up in her bed, cringing at the pain she felt in her chest with her movement. Just as she settled into a position that was close to being comfortable, Jessie stood up with a large cardboard box.

Katie raised her eyebrow. "What's that?"

Jessie beamed. "My box of fun," she said matter-of-factly, setting the large box on the chair next to the bed.

"Umm…ok? What's a box of fun?" She rolled her eyes.

"A box of fun," she stated.

"OH! Well that clears it up then," she said sarcastically, "Did you bring drugs? 'Cause those are always fun." Jessie smirked.

"What, morphine not good enough for you?"

"Good point. So whatcha bring me? Food? Something shiny?" The blonde reached into the box and pulled out a book. Katie stared at it skeptically in her lap. "Eww learning? This isn't fun. I thought I was done with school." She shrugged.

"My dad thought you might like it. And you're not done with school. You still have a few months left." Katie picked up the book, quickly flipping through the pages before slamming it shut and tossing it to the end of the bed.

"ok, I'm done. What else?" Jessie chuckled and poured an assortment of knick-knacks, games, magazines and coloring books.

"I think this will entertain you." Katie grabbed her hand and pulled her close.

"Thank you for this. But you know, I can think of some other things that can entertain me quite well." Jessie leaned down to meet Katie's lips pulling away just a moment later.

"Aww that's it?" Katie pouted as Jessie swung her bag over her shoulder.

"Well if I don't leave now, I'm gonna be late." Katie's eyes widened.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: What could possibly be more important than making out with me?_

_"_For what?"

"Class. Remember?" The older girl ran her fingers through her hair.

"Wait, you're going to school? Without me?"

"Yeah. I'll be back after eighth ok?" She kissed her forehead and rushed out of the room, leaving a lost Katie to stare at the wall in silence.

* * *

For hours Katie did nothing but stare at the ceiling. Finally she pressed the call button. She tried her best to sit up as the nurse walked through the door.

"You rang Ms. Singer?" The nurse said playfully. Katie bit her lip.

"I...i want to see someone. Can you take me?"

"You can't leave the hospital." Katie sighed.

"We won't have to."

* * *

The nurse wheeled Katie down the hall to a door and stopped. Checking the IV, she turned to Katie.

"I'll be back in a few minutes to check up on you. Remember to take it easy, try not to move so much and-" Katie didn't wait for her to finish as she pushed the door open and wheeled herself in. Hearing the sound of the door clicking shut she turned to the figure in the bed. She stared for a few minutes until it started to stir. Liz slowly opened her eyes, taking a few seconds to adjust to the light. Her gaze fell upon Katie. After a few seconds of intense staring, Katie used what little strength she had to wheel herself over to the bed. She attentively reached out and took her hand. Liz smiled softly.

"How are you?" she asked, her voice weak and scratchy. Katie shrugged and looked down at their hands.

"Better than you I guess." Liz finally noticed the wheelchair and looked at the other girl questioningly.

"Why are you here?" She shrugged again.

"I was in the neighborhood. Heard you were awake." Liz nodded.

"Katie…what happened? I don't remember and no one will tell me." The brunette took a deep breath and stroked her hand. Hesitantly she recalled the account for Liz.

As the story ended Liz squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her.

"And Tad's better?" She nodded.

"He'll be playing football again in no time."

"And you?" Katie inwardly cringed.

"I'm fine," she lied. She looked up to see Liz's eyes drooping. "And I think that's my cue to leave."

"You don't have to," she said, but her eyes told Katie otherwise. She gently let go of Liz's hand and started to wheel herself to the door.

"Will you come back?" Katie froze. Without turning away she nodded, rolling the wheels again to the door.

* * *

The sound of the door clicking shut for the thousandth time that day did not faze Katie. she continued to read the magazine, in bored fascination, ignoring the screeching of a chair being dragged across the floor. As the other occupant took a seat, she flipped the page, pretending to be engrossed in the article. After hearing the other person clear their throat for the third time she rolled her eyes, tossed the magazine onto the table, crossed her arms and addressed the man.

"Fantastic! It's you again. Come here to brighten my day?" He smirked.

"Great to see you brought your sense of humor to the table Kathryn." Hearing her full name pass through his lips made her fist clench unconsciously.

"For the last frickin time it's Katie. KAY-TEE. It's not that hard Phil."

"It's Mr. John."

"Wow that's original. i like Phil instead. Mr. John sounds like something you'd hear in a porno for an office romance." He cleared his throat.

"Kathryn-" She clapped her hands together.

"Oh Mr. John, i have those papers you requested. Should i lean over the desk so you can get them out of my-"

"KATIE!" Her mouth snapped shut and she smiled, placing her hands into her lap.

"See? that wasn't so hard. I knew you could do it. Good boy." He cleared his throat once again and loosened the tie that was hanging from his neck.

_B+W testimonial:Katie: Great. And here it comes. He'll ask how I'm feeling, I'll give him a stupid answer. he'll feel like an ass. Then that's followed by the silence of this sound. Wonderful really. i just love those awkward silences."_

"So...Katie...how are you feeling today?" The brunette chuckled under breath.

"Oh I'm just swell. How are you Mr. Johny?"

"Could you try to be serious today?"

"But where's the fun in that?" She faked confusion. He let out a sigh.

"I get it. Believe it or not i do. I just want to help you. I've seen what happens when people don't cope. I'd never wish that on you."

"But you're getting paid to do it." He shrugged.

"Well yes. Quite well actually. But if you remember i also chose to go through over eight years of school to spend the rest of my life in this profession. Now why would i do that if i didn't like helping people?" Katie was taken aback for a moment, her resolve weakening.

"What if you can't help me?"

"It can't hurt to try can it? If i have learned one thing in my life, it's that you can't save everyone. But Katie...if you want my help, you'll get it." She bit her lower lip and nodded slowly. He placed his notepad onto his crossed legs and took his glasses out of his front pocket, placing them onto the bridge of his nose. "So tell me what you're thinking. Not about the situation, but about you. About everyone else. Be frank." Her eyes drifted to the window. Somehow the sun went down. She almost felt guilt for not noticing. All she could see was a blurry reflection.

"We're all just...shattered. Broken pieces of ourselves. And no matter what any shrink or cop or parent says, it's not going to change anything." His eyebrows knitted together.

"Do you truly believe that? That all is lost? You must have some hope that things will get better." She shook her head, her anger slowly rising again in her chest, making the pain in her heart increase.

"The most traumatizing experience of a person's life and you think that hope remains in their heart? Are you sure you're qualified for this profession?"

"I assure you i am. I'm doing this because the war isn't over. You aren't just going to forget about all of this when you get home. All this time spent in vain. It's not the right way to handle this, and you know it. Now tell me the truth."

"The truth? The truth is i lost who i am and i can't understand how that happened. My heart's broken. LITERALLY." She let out a sigh. "This isn't where i belong. I shouldn't be here." She looked at her reflection in the window again. "So get this. There's this cemetery, Pinelawn. I pass it every time i drive to school. Passing the graves of the unknown...but that's not true anymore is it? My friends...their going to be there, rotting away. This whole thing didn't feel real before today." He rested his head on his chin, leaning forward slightly.

"Why's that? What makes today different from the past week?" She rubbed her arm up and down in an attempt to calm the goosebumps.

"I ummm...I heard an old friend of mine was in the same hospital so i went to see her. When i saw her on that bed, all those tubes attached to her, it just hit me. Someone that innocent...her body practically destroyed...it really happened, you know?" He nodded. "Then i found out they buried To- umm the shooter. They buried him today. His funeral. Our school wasn't perfect, far from it actually, but i never thought it would ever be this bad." He sat up, uncapped his pen and scribbled something on the notepad.

"I think that reason is clouding your eyes. You're trying to think rationally. Logically, this wasn't suppose to happen. It's too far away from normal routine that even your body would try to trick you into thinking it's just as simple as a dream. i understand it's easier to just pretend it never happened." Katie scoffed.

"You understand? How could you when i don't even understand?" He let out a sigh and looked down at his watch to check the time before turning his attention back towards the girl.

"Both my parents died when i was a kid. So i do understand loss. But our time is up. If you want I'll save my life story for next time." He stood up with his notepad and walked to the door ignoring the look of loathing Katie was sending him, and stopped with his hand on the knob.

"Do you know why hope dies?"

"Because the world is just a hollow place with nothing but death to look forward to?" She stated sarcastically. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"BECAUSE people look for a quick fix, an easy way out. Truth is it's never that simple. Don't give up Katie. Your future can be...incredible if you overcome this." With that said, he walked out of the room, leaving Katie alone, once again with only her reflection in the window glaring at her.

* * *

As Katie finished her session, Jessie started hers. She sat in the leather seat of her therapist's office, picking at the stitching on her denim jeans.

"This day's ending is proof." He gave her a half smile.

"Looks like we're jumping right into it today. Proof of what?"

"Of time killing all the faith i know." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You lost me." She let out a low sigh.

"By the end of today, half of my...they'll be buried, and everyone will have completed a full day of school for the first time since." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "I had faith that things would get better, but this is reality. Soon it will all be forgotten. All of the faith i hold will just...turn to dust." He tapped his pen against his notepad a few times before abruptly stopping.

"You know what i think?"

"What?"

"That what you said was WAY too depressing." She let out a sigh.

"I'm trying to hold it together...for Katie...for me, but i don't know how long i can do it."

"Why do you think that she needs you to be strong? Has she told you? Has she broken down?"

"Well no, she's Katie." She explained as if that made perfect sense.

"Even so, what happened to her, to all of you, it's not something that you just get over tomorrow. It's ok for you to break down now. Katie will do it on her own time." She bit her lip but nodded. "If you want to help her, then tell her how you feel. She'd like to know. Be with her, let her know she's not the only one feeling like this. And most importantly, remind her that she's alive. That she's still part of the world and that she has plenty of people here on earth that love her." She sat silent for a moment, contemplating his words.

"So...what should i do?"

* * *

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty." Katie groaned as Jessie's perkiness and threw a pillow toward the door that she just walked through. She tossed the blanket over her head in an attempt to hide.

"I'm putting a bolt on that door." Jessie rolled her eyes and walked toward the bed, ripping the sheets off of Katie.

"Don't be such a drama queen. Now get up." The brunette groaned again.

"Didn't you hear? Yesterday i died. I'm not fit enough to get up."

"Actually it was last week. You're fine now so quit complaining and get on the wheelchair." The older girl looked at her skeptically.

"Are you kidnapping me Ms. Sammler?"

"Yes i am now move your butt."

* * *

"...Wow. This place is amazing." Jessie pushed Katie's wheelchair down the stone path that ran across the courtyard of the hospital. She parked the chair next to a small bench surrounded by an assortment of flowers and took a seat.

"Yeah. Who knew such a dark and dreary place would actually have something nice to look at." Katie reached over and took her girlfriend's hand, resting it in her lap.

"Thank you, for getting me out of there. That room just makes me crazy." Jessie smiled.

"I thought you might enjoy breathing in real air." She chuckled and turned away from Katie to watch a few birds on a near by tree. "It's so beautiful."

"Yeah, you are." The young Sammler fought back her smile at the corniness of her girlfriend's words and turned back to her.

"I was talking about the garden."

"And i was talking about you." Jessie rolled her eyes playfully and bent down for a kiss.

"You just want in my pants."

"Is that so bad?" They both laughed together, ignoring the odd looks of passers by.

* * *

"What you smiling about?" The girl glanced up from the tray of food in front of her to look at her father, sitting in a chair with an identical tray of food in his lap.

"Nothing. Jessie took me outside today. It was nice." he smiled.

"Well I'm glad. You should get away from this place." He looked down at his food and took another bite. "And this food. You'd think being in the navy i could stomach anything but this is even too repulsive for me."

"Dad?" He placed his fork down and looked up at his daughter once again.

"Yes Kat?" She hesitated a moment before pushing her tray away.

"Take me home? Please? Let me go?" He let out a deep breath.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Being here." She searched for the right words. "It's just more than i can deal with. i can't move passed it if I'm constantly being reminded every second. Please, i want to go home." He stood up with his food and placed the tray on the now empty seat.

"I can't take care of you. You're going to need a lot of care and i have to get back to the base by the end of the week."

"Ethan said he'd stay. And Jessie will help me, you know she will. I'll go to all of my physical therapy sessions, I'll see the shrink, I'll take all of my meds just please let me come home." He crossed his arms and walked to the window to stare out at the night sky, his all white navy uniform reflecting off.

"Ok. If the doctor says you're stable enough you can come home. But the MOMENT something...if your chest starts hurting, you come straight back here. Deal?" He turned and walked over to the bed, dropping his arms in the process. Katie smiled up at him and nodded. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"It will be nice to have you home again. I'm just going to go talk to the doctor. be right back." As he left the room the young Singer let her head fall back onto her pillow. She let out a shaky breath.

"Thank God."

* * *

satisfied? well...good...i'm glad...review for more chapters. ok i may be selfish because i know what happens in later chapters and i reallyyyy want to get to them. =)

Come on vamanos, everybody let's go! come on vama-...oh...you're still here...well then...goodbye.


	5. everytime it rains

ahhhhh! you have to excuse my absence. i was uhhh kidnapped...by woodland elf creatures...named Phil...all of them...except one...his name was Carl...and they had bazooka's...and candy..and bazooka's that shot out candy...it was pretty intense.

but i fought my way out with some pine cones so all is well.

Who got into NYU? I got into NYU! -happy dance, happy dance, hap hap happy dance. happy dance, happy dance, hap hap hap-

...oh...heyyyy...didn't see you there. So...how's life? Me? oh i just got accepted to NYU, no big deal...so you guys want a new chapter?

i hope you guys haven't forgotten about this story. but guess what? after 2 weeks of hell my tests are done, my track season is over, and essentially there will be no reason for me to pay attention in school when graduation is right around the corner. which means...well, you know...i'll have no life and stuff. soooooo i can continue to write and write and give you veryyyy quick updates because i'll admit, what i'm doing right now is just not fair.

Last Munichorn- i love when other people know of a certain band that i love. i'm glad you like it.

twin who likes to travel-i don't want you to get too upset about missed reviews. i'm aware i always write at the end of my story "leave a review" but the truth is i am not discouraged if i do not receive one from EVERY reader. I write for the sake of writing. i do it to relieve stress, encourage creative stream of thought or simply because i am bored. although i do love the compliments i receive, i also look forward to the criticism to improve my abilities. but if a criticism is too harsh for my liking, i do remind myself that this isn't my career, again, this is for fun, for my own benefit. with that said, maybe you should think about why you chose to write. and please, don't get discouraged, loyal readers will come back to review. i personally enjoyed your story for combining my two favorite shows. i would love to hear your idea for chapter 35.

begin to fray-tehe, when you wrote brilliant it came out with a English accent in my head. my friend agrees with me, being English makes you 347286475493658 times cooler, and about 4 times smarter, so getting your reviews always makes me smile.

daryl- welcome to the club. don't worry, katie will only be in a wheelchair for one more chapter...most likely. i didn't plan to like paralyze her or anything. although once she is out, i plan to give her a cane for a while...a cool pimp cane. like HOUSE...she may start telling people that they have lupus. it may be a side effect...but a really cool one!

ok this one is called **Every Time It Rains by Charlotte Martin**. As always, enjoy.

* * *

_B+W testimonial:Katie: Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored boredddddd..._

"This sucks. Can't i go outside?" Katie sat in her wheelchair, staring out the window. Her brother put his notebook down and looked up from his place on the couch.

"Kat, it's raining."

"So?" He shook his head and picked his notebook back up, scribbling notes down.

"It's wet and cold."

"I like being wet and cold."

"You'll get sick."

"I was shot through the heart, i think i can handle the sniffles." He dropped his notebook onto his lap and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Katie bit her lip.

"Sorry." He dropped his hand and glared at her.

"Why do you joke about almost dying?" The brunette shrugged.

"Probably because of the 'almost' part. I mean, i couldn't do it if that word wasn't in the sentence, now could i?" He let out a small chuckle.

"You got a point."

"And," she dragged out, "I wouldn't be able to go dance in the rain. So what say you?"

"What say i? I still say no. You couldn't dance in the wheelchair anyway. It would just rust and you'd get stuck like the tin man. You'd beg me to get you an oil can." She let out a huff and crossed her arms while leaning back into her seat.

"I don't like you anymore." He smirked.

"Luckily you have two other brothers to pick from, eh?" He shot back.

"Yeah well...Ethan's a stupid name."

"Actually in hebrew, Ethan means strong." The two siblings looked up simultaneously to see where the unknown voice was coming from.

"Hey, you're MY girlfriend. You're supposed to take MY side. It's the rules." Jessie laughed and moved from her spot in the hallway just outside the room towards the window where Katie sat. She bent down and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry oh wonderful Katherine," she swooned mocking her. She stood up and walked over to the couch, removing her bag from her shoulder and dropping it on the cushion by Ethan's feet. "The door was unlocked. I hope you don't mind i just let myself in." He closed his notebook and tossed it into his book bag lying on the coffee table.

"Not at all. There's money on the kitchen counter if you need anything. I'll be home around eleven." Ethan stood up and swung his bag over his shoulder. Katie just rolled her eyes.

"I don't need a babysitter!"

"Yes you do." Both Jessie and Ethan said. The other girl huffed once again and sat back in her chair glaring out the window.

"So what does Katherine mean? Pure annoying evil?" He smirked. Jessie just bit her lip.

"Uhhh something like that." She smiled innocently.

"I'll see you guys later. Don't burn the house down. Why don't you just play a nice little board game or something." Jessie watched him walk out of the room, waiting for the click of the front door before walking over to Katie and sitting in her lap gingerly, still overly cautious of the girl's injury. Katie instantly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and grinned up at her shining face.

"So what DOES my name mean?" Once again, Jessie bit her lip.

"Pure and virginal." Katie's grin faded as her eyes got slightly larger.

"Oh..." She nodded her head and dropped her arms from around the blonde's waist.

"Yeah..." Jessie looked down at her hands, suddenly fascinated with her fingernails. Katie snapped her head up.

"So candyland?" Jessie jumped out of her lap.

"Oh yes. I'll go get it."

"I'll clear the table."

* * *

"Don't you have any candles? Or a flashlight or something?"

"Yes." Jesse paused in her search and waited a few seconds, waiting for Katie to continue. When no sound reached her ears, she turned around.

"...well?" Katie tilted her head.

"Well what?" Jessie let out a sigh.

"Hun, where are they?" The brunette shrugged.

"Why should i know?"

"Maybe because it's your house," the young Sammler said, trying to keep the edginess and frustration from changing the tone of her voice.

"Why do we need them?" Jessie just shook her head and continued scrambling through the messy drawer.

"Because it's getting dark." After a minute of finding nothing resembling candles, she slammed the drawer shut. She tapped her fingers on the counter absentmindedly as she thought of a solution to their problem. Just then, her eyes went wide and she snapped her fingers, turning to meet Katie who had not moved from her spot. "Oh! Matches. Do you have any of those?"

"I don't need one."

"Why's that?"

"I never need light to see you. You just seem to glow naturally." At that moment she was thankful for the darkness that hid her blush. She turned back to the counter and opened another drawer with a new mission in mind.

"Flattering, really, but i really don't want to walk into any walls so..." She turned back around to a surprisingly empty kitchen. "...Katie?" She took a step closer to the door, her eyes scanning the kitchen as if she was expecting the girl to jump out at her. "Kat?" She opened the swinging door and entered the hallway, only a small amount of light streaming through a window to make sure she didn't bump into any walls. "It's not funny, where did you go?"

"I'm right here." Jessie jumped. Her hand flew to her chest as she turned around to see Katie wheeling herself down the hall.

"Don't scare me like that. I thought you disappeared."

"I was always here. I could never get that far from you anyway...you know, stairs and what not. So quit worrying." Jessie turned her attention to a bookcase in the hall and continued the search.

"I'd worry less if i had night vision."

"There are candles in the hall closet." The blonde paused from her ministrations, her eyebrows furrowing together as she looked down at the girl again.

"I thought you didn't know where they were?"

"Uh...I forgot."

"You forgot where they were?"

"No, i forgot that i knew." Jessie's hands flew to her hips.

"You better stop being a smart-ass or i may just slap you."

"You can't slap a person in a wheelchair...unless it's the fun kind of slapping, then by all means, punish me." Katie smirked.

"You're such a dork," She stated with a hint of frustration that instantly vanished upon looking into the brunette's said eyes. "But you're my dork."

* * *

_B+W testimonial: Eli: i always liked the rain. i mean don't get me wrong, i was terrified of the dark. the thunder and lightening scared the shit out of me too, but every time it rained, my dad would build a fort with me in the living room. We'd make smores in the fire place. it felt like a camp out._

"So watcha' doing?" Eli stood at the door frame of Grace's bedroom, watching her read a book on her bed indian style.

"Working on my routine for the strip club," she stated, her eyes never leaving the book.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, the pole's my specialty." She put a bookmark in between two pages and placed it down on her nightstand. "So what's up?"

"Dinner's ready."

"Okay thanks." He nodded his head, but remained in his current position. "Um, is there anything else?"

"You broke up with your boyfriend." She bit her lip.

"And you had ham for lunch today. Now why are we stating facts?"

"You didn't tell me." Grace stood up and walked over to him.

"Does it matter?" They locked eyes for just a moment before she passed him into the hallway, leaving Eli alone.

* * *

The soft glow of the candles made Katie's face shine in the dark room. She sat on the couch, staring over the back out the window, watching the tiny drops of rain splutter against the pane. Jessie walked in with two mugs of hot cocoa and placed them on the coffee table, then she took a seat on the couch next to Katie, taking the girl's hand in hers and tracing the lines by her palm.

"Every time it rains, I listen to the sky." Jessie stopped what she was doing and scooted closer to Katie, gently resting her chin on the older girl's shoulder.

"Really? What's it say?"

"Don't know. It says something, but i can't make out the words yet."

"I take it therapy didn't go so well today. What did he say?" Katie swallowed the lump in her throat.

"He said i may not be the same."

"What do you mean?"

"Like i may not be the same Katie anymore." Jessie picked up her head to be eye level with her girlfriend.

"So...what? Who are you going to be?"

"I don't know. I kind of like Maria, like the sound of music lady." Katie stopped herself from laughing once she saw the glare directed at her. She sighed and grabbed the younger girl's hand. "I mean right now i'm pretty much useless. He said that unless i deal like a normal person, i'll be like...stuck or something." And...i'm just a little worried."

"About what?" Katie tucked a few blonde curls behind the girl's ear.

"I just...I want you to love me because you can and not because you feel like you should." Jessie pushed her hand away.

"What? You think i'm going to abandon you?"

"No you misunderstood." Katie bit her lip. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to be around me."

"Katie, i love you. With all my heart."

"I know. I really do. And i love you too. But i'm stuck for a little while. I have to take it easy. And just because my life is paused doesn't mean yours should be too, you know? I want you to have fun and not feel obligated or anything." The blonde's stern face shattered.

"Look at me." Katie kept her gaze on the floor. "Katie look at me." Her head slowly lifted up. "I'm not here because i pity you, i'm here because the only time i truly feel happy is with you. Do you understand?" She nodded. "I'm willing to admit i try too hard, but my therapist told me something and since then, being around you is all i can think of doing."

"What did he say?"

"Just the cliche. Carpe Diem. And that everybody lives and everybody dies, but you can't forget about the stuff in between. The things that make life worth living for."

"I like your guy better. Wanna trade?" Jessie couldn't hold back her smile. "I love you. I want to be here for you, so just let me and try not to worry. You'd never hold me back Billie." With her emotions on high, she leaned forward and brought her lips in contact with Katie's. Her fingers slid through her hair and pulled the girl ever so closer. When they finally broke apart, they rested their foreheads against each others.

"Hey Billie?"

"Yeah Kat?"

"I know I haven't said it yet but...I'm glad i'm alive." The words had been stuck in her throat for quite some time. She quickly wiped away the stray tear that slid down her girlfriend's cheek with her thumb.

_B+W testimonial: Jessie: it's such a weird thing to say. But i think deep down...i mean, i know it's wrong, but deep down i've been wondering. You know, what she's been thinking about everything, and i was wondering if she sort of regrets surviving. It's stupid now that i think about it, but hearing her say that, it brings this overwhelming feeling of content._

"Me too." Jessie's smile grew as she pulled Katie back in for another kiss.

* * *

Rick and Eli both sat back in their chairs, their eyes moving back and forth on the bickering teenagers in front of them.

"I want the car, or i'm not playing."

"Good, we don't want you here."

"Now Grace-"

"No, if she's going to be a baby, let her leave."

"Look who's talking."

"Oh, shut up!"

"Someone's PMSing."

"Oh my God."

"Okay enough!" Lily's outburst brought a silence upon the room. The family were all crowded around the dining room table with a monopoly board laying in front of them. "Now, this is family time, and everyone is going to sit here and play this board game and act like a family. Understand?"

"But-"

"Understand?"

_B+W testimonial: Zoe: Lately mom's been...well, a mom. But more of a 'i'm trying to be super mom and act like nothing's wrong while still balancing my raging new mom hormones.' I've never seen her this crazy before. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad._

"But Jessie's not here-"

"Go to your room Zoe."

"But you just said-"

"Wait, don't go. I just...is it too much to ask for one night?" The unsettling silence spread across the room, the only noise being the boom of the thunder from outside. She settled back into her chair and straightened out her blouse. "Good." Zoe looked at everyone at the table.

"...But i can still have the car right?"

* * *

"Hey guys I'm home," Ethan shouted as he trudged through the front door carrying a load of bags from a Chinese restaurant. "You guys hungry?" He placed them on the kitchen counter and proceeded to take off his jacket and hang it on the rack. "You guys aren't doing inappropriate things upstairs are you?" Suddenly the lights went on. He smiled and walked into the living room. "Hey the powers bac-"

Ethan stopped in his tracks, smiling at the sight of Katie and Jessie curled up on the couch. He went over to the closer to get a blanket and draped it over the couple, making sure to keep quiet.

"Night girls."

* * *

so...still angry with me? what if i promised like...REALLYYYYY good j/k-ness in the next chapter? would that make you want to keep reading? i sure hope so.

what if i told you that you're pretty? huh? huh? huh?

well how bout me getting another chapter UP before sunday?

because i can do that if you really want me to. just let me know ok? because if everyone gave up...well, i'd rather not talk about it.

ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeee


	6. Elizabeth

As promised, i wrote another chapter for you.

"oh my gosh amanda, you kept your promise?"

"yes over excited reader, i did."

"Wow, i love you. i totally want in your pants."

"i know, doesn't everyone? hahahahahaha...haha...ha...anyways, thank you all for reading."

so don't get mad, but i have an itty bitty problem...well, not a problem, more like an oops? i decided to break this chapter into two smaller chapters so i could use two different songs...plus i didn't want to mush everything together...haha...mush

ohohohohoh and don't hate me, but this lacks the j/k goodness i promised, but the next chapter will have j/k o plenty.

anyway, here's **Elizabeth by Trading Yesterday**...i love that band. Enjoy

* * *

Small beads of sweat were running down Katie's forehead as she lied down on the mat, her breathing heavy.

"Good job, just a few more," the physical therapist said, sitting next to the mat.

"Nah...i'm good," Katie replied in between breaths.

"Oh, come on. Five more crunches. That's it." The young girl waited a few seconds to gather some air, then preceded to take a deep breath and slowly sat up, repeating the process four more times. The last sit up, she landed on the mat with a big thump.

"Good job Kat, i'm proud of you. In a few weeks you won't even need me."

"Oh Jen...i'll always...need you," she panted. Jen smiled at her and handed her a towel to wipe her face.

"Oh really?" She grabbed Katie's hand and supported her back to help her stand up.

"Yeah, i mean...who else would talk to me about the latest gossip in the hospital?" Katie tossed her towel in a bin and picked up her cane while readjusting her sling.

"Nice Kat." Jen walked over to the front desk, gesturing for Katie to follow her. She flipped through the pages of a small book and scribbled something down. "So, i'll see you next friday, okay?"

"Sounds good, see you later."

* * *

"Knock knock, anyone home?" Katie stood by the entrance to Liz's hospital room. Liz peered over the covers at her, perspiration evident on her face.

"Hey Kat. What brings you here?" The brunette hobbled over to the bed and took a seat. She took note of how pale the other girl looked.

"Physical therapy. I thought you would be up and about by now. Weren't you supposed to leave next week?"

"Yeah, i was. They think i got an infection or something." Katie bit her lip apprehensively.

"You lost a lot of weight." Liz smirked.

"Well, you've had the food here. Can you blame me?" Katie allowed a smile to appear on her face. She leaned over and grabbed her hand.

"I guess not." They began with small talk for a few minutes before letting a quiet settle upon the room.

"So, how's Jessie?" Katie's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: Okay...was NOT expecting that. To be honest, i try not to think about them at the same time. Liz...well, there's a mystery about her, and right now, talking to her? She makes me forget just about everything. I probably shouldn't be here, but at the same time, there's just something in her eyes that makes me stay. I'm just not ready to leave yet.  
_

"Fine, she's fine."

"She doesn't know you're here, does she?" Katie clicked her tongue and sat back in her chair, releasing Liz's hand.

"Does it matter?" Liz adjusted her shirt and sat up slightly.

"Well not to me."

"I'm not doing anything wrong."

"I know that."

"So why were you asking?"

"I was just wondering." The guilt was crushing Katie's chest, weighing her down causing her to slide lower into the chair.

"I'm just not ready to talk to her about some stuff."Liz picked up a glass of water and took a few sips of it.

"But you'll talk to me?" Katie bounced the bottom of her cane on the ground a few times then sat up.

"The end of last year was insane and i regret what happened. But at the same time, loving you...i mean if i had another chance I'd probably do it all again to be perfectly honest." Liz did her best to hide her blush.

"I just wish it turned out more in my favor. But thank you." They exchanged grins.

"Maybe it's because we were friends longer or something. I don't really know why, i just...i just don't want to talk to her about it yet. Plus she can't really understand what we went through."

"Well my door is always open. Drop by any time."

"Will do." With only minor difficulty, Katie pushed herself up, using the bed to balance herself, kissed Liz on the cheek without a second thought, and made her way to the exit.

"Next time i'll bring some chocolate."

* * *

"Kat, stop playing with the knobs." The girl gave a big huff and sat back in her seat then turned her head towards her girlfriend.

"You know, you're getting pretty good at this whole driving thing. I even stopped holding onto the door, see?" She waved her fingers in a demeaning manor.

"Oh shut up. I could make you walk everywhere."

"But that would be mean. And you being mean makes me sad. You don't want me to be sad, do you?" She gave a big pout as they pulled in front of her house.

"That look is just pathetic. And you know i'd never..." Jessie stopped mid sentence and looked out the passenger side window towards Katie's house. The older girl waved her hand in front of Jessie's face.

"Hello? I'm over here." Jessie grabbed Katie's chin and turned the girl's head to look where she was looking. "Is that Sarah?" She quickly unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door. Jessie instantly jumped out of the car and ran to the other side to try to help her. "Don't worry, i got it." She pushed Jessie's hands gently out of the way and stepped out of the car with her cane, ignoring the hurt look being sent her way, then limped over to her porch where Sarah stood, Jess trailing behind her.

"May i help you?" Sarah looked back and forth between Jessie and Katie.

"Um, can we talk for a minute? Alone?" Katie glanced at Jessie with a pleading look. The blonde nodded and walked into the house, not before giving a hard glare toward Sarah. "You look better. How are you feeling?"

"Why'd you come here Sarah?" She shrugged.

"I guess I just came here to say goodbye." Katie hobbled up the three steps and gently sat down on the porch swing, Sarah joining her seconds later. "After everything that happened, i decided that i'm officially not okay. It sucks, i can't even fake it by being a bitch anymore. I can't stand the way everyone looks at me. Usually i'd talk to Tom about this but...My dad said i could come live with him to New York for a while. At least until i gather myself."

"Oh...well that's good. Good for you i mean."

"Yeah." They sat there not saying a word to each other for a few minutes. "I'm guessing you're going to stay here." Sarah nodded her head toward the door.

"Yeah well, nowadays i don't move that much, cane and all. But i have to finish school, and go to college, and Jess is here too so..." She trailed off. Sarah stood up.

"Well, good luck Kat." The girl descended down the stairs and walked half way across the lawn before Katie called out to her.

"Hey Sarah?" She looked behind to see Katie, still standing on the porch. "What happened...It wasn't your fault, you know. No one blames you. I don't blame you."

"Thanks."

"And Sarah?"

"Yeah?" Katie gave her a half smile.

"Good luck." The other girl returned the smile and left, making her way down the street toward her own home.

* * *

"Hey Gabe?" Katie watched as her older brother changed his daughter's diaper on the changing table set up in a small bedroom.

"Hmm?"

"What would you do if i had three legs?"

"I'd probably bet on you in a marathon." His comment seemed to make the baby giggle more.

"Boogers!" Both adults turned to the two year old bouncing on the bed, holding out his finger towards them. Because of the commotion going on in the bedroom, they almost missed the sound of the phone.

"Crap. Um, Kat can you handle them for a sec?"

"Boogers!"

"No problem." As he ran downstairs to grab the phone, Katie finished changing the little girl's diaper with her one good hand, grabbed a tissue, and walked over to her nephew. Just as she was wiping his finger, Gabe sullenly made his way into the room.

"Kat?"

"Hmm?" When he didn't say anything, she turned around to face him, leaving the two year old bouncing behind her.

"What's wrong?"

"That was Elizabeth's mom." a lump formed in her throat.

"Liz? What happened?"

"There were complication, something they missed. She got an infection, bled out. I'm so sorry." Even as the words left his lips, she couldn't process what he was saying.

"No, you're wrong. I just saw her last weekend. She can't be...she can't-" The tears were flowing down her face like a river. Gabe ran over to her as she buried her face into his shirt. Her nephew walked across the bed and hugged her from behind.

"Katie want Boogers?"

* * *

"We are gathered here to say farewell to Elizabeth Rosen and to commit her into the hands of God..."

The priest words were tuned out by Katie. She stood in her black coat and pants, leaning on her cane with Jessie on the other side of her. She looked around at everyone, refusing to focus in on the casket laying before her.

There were Liz's parents, her mom sobbing uncontrollably into her husband's jacket along with her older sister while her younger brother tried to act stoic.

There were the many faces of her classmates, tears in their eyes, even Tad.

Then their was Jessie. She didn't understand why Jessie was crying. It baffled her. For a second she thought about reminding the blonde who Liz was to her, a girl she kissed while they were together, a girl she loved first, before the blonde.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: This wasn't supposed to happen. I figured i'd have to go to at least one funeral by the time i got out. I didn't think it would be hers though. It doesn't make any sense._

She limped up to the casket, dropping a single red rose on top, whispering her goodbye to a girl who used to hold her heart.

"In the Name of God, the merciful Father, we commit Elizabeth to the peace of the grave..."

* * *

"I know it's your job, but can we like, not talk today?"

"Most cases i would say no, but i think it's important." The therapist looked at her from his chair, watching her play with the strap of her sling. "Tell me about her."

"Like what?"

"Everything." She bit her lip.

"She was my first love. I didn't think it was possible. She was my best friend. She just has...had, a way of taking over you, i mean a single smile is really all it took. There was this warmth that just consumed you. She held my heart without knowing for so long. She took it away, but apologized to me for breaking it in the first place. Who does that? And...she loved me. For so long i thought that anyone else, any other love, was just a waste of time to me..."

"But?" She took a pillow and hugged it to her chest.

"But, then i met Jessie. I took back my heart and gave it to her instead."

"But Elizabeth still held a piece of it, am i right?"

"Liz. Yeah, she did. Because once you let her in, she will take your everything. And she did just that. But i had a chance to be with her, and i turned her down."

"But you still cheated on Jessie with her?" Katie threw the pillow down.

"Would you stop?"

"Stop what? I'm only stating the facts. You love her just as much as you love Jessie."

"No i don't!" She took a deep breath to calm herself. "When i met Liz, she just took all i had from beginning to the end. Jessie gave all that back to me, and more. I love her more, she's the one i want to be with. It was never going to be Liz."

"Which is why you feel guilty." She wiped a stray tear off of her cheek that she had been holding back and locked eyes with him.

"You could talk to Liz, because you didn't care about burdening her with your worries. You never imagined spending the rest of your life with her. And that's okay. Even that day at the school, you let someone else take care of her while you went after Jessie. Kath-...Katie, it's not your fault. She wouldn't want you to feel so badly." She sniffled and picked up the pillow again to play with it's tassles.

"She was amazing. She didn't deserve to die. i feel like i should be more upset, you know? I do miss her, it's just..."

"This is just the way you deal with things. It won't change how you feel." She bit her lip.

"I don't feel much of anything anymore."

* * *

bwahahaha...oh wait, this was sad...sad face- =(

not my best work, i do apologize.

butttt the next chapter is going to be so good, i may up the rating? although it may also be slightly depressing.

but i'm going to try to get it up for you regardless. i have graduation rehearsal, and prom, and graduation and...other stuff...so i'll try reallyyyyyy hard to get the next one to you this week.

goodbye beautiful people!


	7. Fix You

haha, i'm getting good at this "updating within a normal time limit rather than a year" thing i have going. i hope you're proud of me. at least, that's what i would like to say. but you see, it's been like 2 months since i started writing this chapter...then i just put off finishing it for some reason. and that's a little unfair to you.

so i have a job now. i'm a lifeguard at a water park. i just save lives, no big deal. i do look pretty badass though, if i do say so myself. with the dark sunglasses, my whistle...my fanny pack and crocs. no one will mess with me. i've just been so busy rescuing people from drowning and being a hero, i hadn't had much time to write. oh, and getting ready for college. stupid loans. why can't i just win the lottery? so much easier. anyway i move into my dorm in a week. and my roommate likes to write so i may blackmail her into helping me...i mean, ask her politely to contribute to this wonderful story.

i'm going to knock this one up to an **M rating**, just to be safe..mmmm j/k ness. oh, and swearing and stuff. did i mention i like sex? because i do. very much so...yay sex!

this one is **Fix You by Coldplay**, as always, enjoy =)

* * *

Katie Singer stared out the window, head in her hand, watching the sun slowly sink under the horizon. As she watched the sun set from her windowsill, Jessie watched her from her place on the bed, biting her lip tentatively. She knew the funeral must have taken a toll on the other girl's Psyche, yet she wondered what was really going through her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The girl shook her head.

"No." Jessie just nodded, not wanting to push the matter further at Katie's expense. She chose to play with the hem of her black dress, torn between wanting to change into somewhat less depressing clothes, but not wanting to leave her girlfriend in such a depressed state.

"Why won't you touch me?" The blonde was startled by the question.

"What do you mean?" Jessie got up and walked over to the other young lady, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in her own. "I always touch you." Katie shook her head.

"You'll hold my hand sure. You'll even kiss me, but you haven't come close to...are you like, scared of me or something?"

"What? No baby, no." She tightened her grip on Katie's hands, bringing them close to her chest.

"Then what is it?" Jessie held her lip in between her teeth.

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you," the words came out as a mere whisper. She moved her eyes down to the floor, not wanting to meet Katie's eyes.

"I'm not that fragile you know."

"I know, i just...i never want to see you in pain again." She looked back up at her girlfriend. "I never want to be the cause of it. The doctor said you should be taking it easy and i thought that if we-"

"Fuck him."

"What?" Katie let out a sigh, taking a deep breath of air.

"Jess, i want to get back to the way things were. I need you for that. Trust me, you could never hurt me." Her thumb brushed against the blonde's cheek, stroking it lovingly. "It kills me not being close to you anymore. I promise, you won't break me." Jessie swallowed the lump in her throat, forcing her eyes to stop watering. she pushed herself up a few inches to reach Katie and planted a slow kiss on her lips, keeping them connected for a bit longer than usual, only breaking away when her watch started chirping. Katie smile fell. "I take it you can't stay?" Jessie stood up and went over to the bed, grabbing her bag.

"I set an alarm to remind myself. I'm sorry hun, but my mom will kill me if i miss dinner again." She walked over to Katie once more, bending down to be eye level with the brunette. "Why don't you sleep over tomorrow night? Dad and Lily are going out. Grace and Zoe are at their dad's. The babies are with their grandparents. I would love some company." She nodded.

"Ok, sounds good. And tomorrow...will you walk in with me?" Jessie smiled and bent down for another kiss.

"I'll be right by your side."

* * *

"We don't have to do this. We can wait till tomorrow." Katie's eyes drifted from the school to Jessie. The girls were standing in front of the main doors. The brunette reached down and intertwined their fingers. She gave a halfhearted smile before turning back to face the school. Jessie slipped forward and opened the door. With a deep breath, Katie walked through it, gripping Jessie's hand tighter.

_B+W testimonial: Katie: I was actually surprised that they opened the school back up. I mean, most people transferred out, but i guess they can't just like, condemn the building or something. It's not like the school is any actual threat...right?_

The busy sound rushed into her ears immediately. At least a dozen police officers crowded before her, searching student's bags, using wands and sending people through metal detectors. It made her pulse rise, speeding up her heart causing much discomfort. Her heart slowed upon feeling Jessie's fingers run up and down her arm soothingly.

They passed by security in a blur, heading first to the main office to grab Katie's schedule. The secretary greeted her with a smile.

"It's nice to see you back on your feet Miss Singer." Katie nodded, taking the piece of paper from her hands and walking out of the office towards Jessie's locker.

"That was awkward." Jessie arched her eyebrow at the girl in question.

"And why is that?" She opened up her locker to retrieve her books as leaned on the locker next to her.

"She used to hate me. Thought i was a troublemaker." Jessie slammed the locker shut and smirked.

"But you are." Katie rolled her eyes.

"Well sure, side with her." The younger girl just shook her head.

"Alright. So you have everything yeah? Are you sure you don't want me to walk you to class? Carry your books?" Katie leaned forward and kissed her.

"I got this. You're going to be late." Jessie kissed her again.

"So will you." Katie kissed her nose.

"Well i have an excuse. Now you, on the other hand, do not. And i will not have everyone blame me when you fail your classes and end up working at McDonalds." The comment brought a soft chuckle from the other girl and another kiss.

"I love you. See you at lunch ok?" With that said, the Sammler girl nearly sprinted down the hall toward her classroom, leaving Katie alone. Adjusting the sling on her bad side she began her journey to her next class, scanning the halls the halls for nothing in particular. As she turned another corner, however, something stopped her dead in her tracks. She stared at the floor, almost expecting to see blood on it.

_Katie turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks, almost causing Tad to run into her._

_"Lizzie?" Liz was lying sprawled out on the ground. Katie bent down and saw the blood covering her stomach. Tad took off his jacket and put it around her waist, tying it tightly._

_"Is she alive?" Katie reached out trying to find a pulse when she heard Liz groan. "I'll take that as a yes." Katie lifted her head up slightly._

_"Try not to move Liz. Don't worry, you're gonna be ok."_

_She heard footsteps and looked up, seeing Sarah approach. The girl stopped and bent down._

_"It's Tom. He brought the gun." Katie's face fell. She looked at Liz, then back up at Sarah._

_"She needs to get help. Do you think you can take her out of the school?" Sarah nodded. Tad lifted Liz up and put her into Sarah's arms, surprised at how light she was. Liz groaned again._

_"It hurts."_

_"I know I know. Hold on Liz." Katie rubbed her arm in reassurance._

_"Katie?" She looked up at Sarah._

_"He's in the library…She's in there with him." Katie swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing whom she was referring to._

The flashback took her breath away. She looked down the hall, her eyes landing on the double doors on her right. Her feet had a mind of their own, slowly inching their way towards their destination. She stopped three feet away from the yellow tape covering the doors, preventing entry. Her breath quickened. She grabbed her chest as her heart beat out of control. As quickly as she could she turned around, immediately running into someone, making her panic rise as the person grabbed onto her.

"Kat? Whoa calm down." She looked up into the familiar green eyes.

"Tad!" She hugged him tight with her good arm and dug her face into his T-shirt. "Get me out of here?" He nodded, wrapping his arm around her, guiding her down the hall.

"Where's your next class?"

"Left wing, but can we go a different way? I don't..." She trailed off, knowing Tad would take the hint. She kept her head down, never wanting to look back again.

* * *

"I just feel so tired, but i can't sleep. Every friggin' time i close my eyes, it's nightmare after nightmare." The therapist nodded.

"I could recommend some medication for that, but it's probably a better idea to fix the problem the old fashioned way. I'm surprised the pain killers aren't making you drowsy. So, let's talk more about today. The flashback. Do you think you should switch schools?"

"No, I'm almost ready to graduate. I'm just going to avoid that part of the school until then. Take the long way to classes."

"So you're going to go out of your way to avoid it? Why are you so afraid? It's just a hallway. Just a library. You don't even have to go in, just pass by a door." Katie let out a huff.

"I feel like every damn time i come here i end up fighting with you. It's not that simple. It's more than that. This is my solution. My choice. I'm trying my best here."

"Well your best isn't good enough. You can't avoid the things in life that scare you. That's no way to live." They both took a moment to calm down. Katie started to bite her finger nails, a habit she recently picked up. "Liz's funeral. It's bound to heighten your emotions."

"I loved her, but it just went to waste didn't it?" He took off his glasses and leaned forward, looking her in the eye.

"Love is never wasted. It goes beyond the grave." She stood up, books off of the table.

"Well, i guess our session's up for today right? I'll see you next time."

"You still have another 15 minutes left."

"Yeah, well, i have plans with Jessie so..." He put his glasses back on and walked to the door, opening it for the girl and walking her out of the office.

* * *

_B+W testimonial: Katie: My world is just changing so fast. I'm trying to find a sense of normalcy somewhere but it's no use. I just want to feel like Katie again._

She snapped out of her day dream, finally taking a second to look around her. Katie had walked quite a few blocks from her home. She looked down the street in which she was standing by and noticed only one house with all of it's lights on. It was the Sammler-Manning house. It was Jessie, sitting in the attic reading for school. It was the place she had come to learn as her second home. She felt everything inside her ignite in warmth at the prospect of being close to the girl.

Before she knew it, she was at the door, ringing the doorbell. She heard light footsteps jogging down the stairs, then Jessie opening the door.

"Hey, i wasn't expecting you for another hour."

"I didn't want to wait to see you." The blonde smiled and stepped aside to allow the girl to enter. She grabbed the older girl's hand and led her up the stairs to the attic.

"Ignore the mess, I haven't felt much like cleaning. And Lily's so focused on the kids she doesn't even come up here to check. Although I'm pretty sure it's still cleaner than yours." Katie smirked while taking off her jacket and tossing it onto the desk chair. Jessie tilted her head, staring at Katie's arm. "No more sling?" The girl shrugged her shoulders.

"It was itchy," she stated simply, and walked over to the bed and sat down, encouraging Jessie to do the same.

"So how was therapy today? Did you talk about what happened at school?"

"Yeah. He says I'm avoiding my problems." Jessie brushed some of Katie's hair behind her ear, playing with the tips.

"Go on." Katie scrunched her eyebrows.

"I didn't think that would happen. I thought i was facing it you know? That's why i went back to the school in the first place. But that place...all i see is blood, everywhere; teachers, students...Liz's, mine. And everyone just stares at me like they thought i was dead. I guess i kind of am when you think about it. Stuck in reverse. That's what everyone says. Like i'm broken. Like I'm not Katie. It's like, am i ever going to be normal again? Can't i just be Katie?" She took a deep breath and continued. "And i worry, because if they see me that way, then you might see me that way, even if you try not to. And who wants to be around someone who isn't totally there?" Katie squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry but still letting one lone tear slip down her face. Jessie grabbed Katie's face with both hands.

"I'm not leaving you. I promise." She stroked the girl's cheek. "I will try my best to fix you. We'll do it together." Their faces were just an inch apart. Jessie watched as another tear fell down the girl's cheek and leaned forward to kiss it away. She pulled back only to have Katie to grab the back of her neck and drag her in hard for a kiss. The urgency of the kisses showed a desperation she had not yet seen from her girlfriend. As a tongue made it's way past her lips, she knew Katie more than just craved this, she needed it. Tears were streaming down the brunette's face as she tightened her grip around Jessie neck and then moved to straddle her. The blonde slid her hands down the girl's sides to her hips, letting her fingers dip under the T-shirt and trace the outline of her jeans. Katie instantly pulled back at the sensation and allowed her eyes to drift shut, letting the feeling sink in. Jessie's hands slowly travelled up, dragging the shirt with them and swiftly pulling it over the older girl's head, throwing it to the other side of the bed.

Not wasting anymore time she pushed Katie's bra to the side, holding the cup out of the way, letting her tongue have free reign. The brunette's eyes shot open at the feel of the other girl's tongue brushing across her chest. "Jessie." She dragged out the name as the young Sammler reached around and unclasped the bra, freeing her breasts to give them more attention. Her other hand trailed down the girl's stomach to the front of her girlfriend's jeans and, with one, finger pressed down hard. Katie shuddered and bucked back. Their kisses grew in intensity. Heavy breathing filled the room, making it sound like they were in the middle of a marathon. "Jess. Please."

In a haste her hand flew to Katie's pants and quickly popped open the button of her jeans before rushing to yank down the zipper. Her hand flew past the waistband of her panties, not even bothering to waste any time in taking the pants off. Her fingers traveled down in a hurry to reach their destination, sneaking into an indescribable warmth, causing Katie's breath to hitch. She bit onto Jessie's shoulder, letting her teeth sink in to prevent a sound from passing her lips as Jessie slowly but surely slipped a finger into her. Her thumb eagerly began circling Katie's clit. She watched at her girlfriend's eyes began to roll into the back of her head in pleasure. She added another finger and began to feel Katie roll her hips toward her, matching the pace of her thrusts. She began to place kisses along Katie's neck as she pumped in and out of Katie faster while simultaneously running her tongue along her pulse. The girl bit onto her shoulder harder, feeling the blonde push deeper and deeper inside of her. After only a few minutes, Jessie felt the girl clench around her fingers and make a choked off noise in the back of her throat. She let the girl ride out her orgasm before pulling out, placing butterfly kisses on her neck while she waited for the other girl to recover.

Katie lifted her head up, still glowing from her high. "You see? Didn't hurt me a bit." Jessie smirked and kissed her gently, taking the girl's bottom lip in her own, laying back on her bed and taking Katie with her in the process.

* * *

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

so i hope this makes up for the delay? i'm really bad at smut so my apologies. but if you liked it i could improve my skills and write more? i'm ok with that.

and i tell you what song it's based on because i hope that you listen to it. it sets the mood, you know?


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